How to Start Running Without Hating Your Life (Or Knees)

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(Edited)

How to Start Running.jpg

I like to mix running with mortal combat—hence my running nickname, 'Finisher.' Whoever tells you that label is engraved on all participation medals is a big fat liar (and probably still gasping from their first 100m).

Some of you might not know I'm a runner. In fact, I've won several < cough > participation </ close cough > medals. Lately, I've been reading The Runner's World Complete Book of Running to up my game. Here's some brutal truths they won't tell you at your local 5K:

1. "Running Is Just Walking With Extra Drama"

  • The book claims the only difference is "determination." (Translation: Suffering voluntarily.)
  • Pro tip: If you can walk to the fridge, you can run a 5K. But first—medical exam. Because nothing ruins a New Year's resolution like an ER trip.

2. Your First Month: Run Like You're Being Chased by a Snail

  • Budd Coates' 10-week plan starts with 8 days of walking. Yes, walking.
  • Week 1: Run 2 mins, walk 4 mins. Repeat until your ego surrenders.
  • Key insight: If you can't gossip while running, you're sprinting. Slow down, Speedy Gonzales.

3. Tracks > Sidewalks (Your Shinbones Will Thank You)

  • Concrete is the devil. Grass is sketchy (hidden holes = ankle doom).
  • Best spot: A school track. Run in the outer lanes to avoid judgment from teen athletes.

4. Your First Race? Aim for "Finishing Alive"

  • Pick a flat 2-mile fun run—not a marathon. (Marathon fever kills beginners. Literally.)
  • Race strategy: Start slower than a DMV line. If you feel good at Mile 1, still don't sprint.

5. The "Do's and Don'ts" They'll Ignore

  • DO: Stretch. Wear reflective gear. Carry ID (morbid but practical).
  • DON'T:
    • Wear headphones (cars > podcasts).
    • Run in basketball shoes (this isn't Space Jam).
    • Assume all runners are friendly (some are just lost).

Final Kick

"The only difference between a jogger and a runner? An entry blank." — George Sheehan

Translation: Sign up for a race. Then panic-train.

Source: Runner's World Complete Book of Running (Amby Burfoot, Rodale).
The book's 10-week plan turns walkers into runners. Or at least into people who complain less while walking.

PS: Yes, I was born in the same city as the founder of Stoicism. Coincidence? Absolutely. But while Zeno preached enduring pain with dignity, I sprint through it like a toddler chasing ice cream.

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11 comments
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I never run unless someone is chasing me with ill-intent, however, I do have a distinguished past in track & field, having represented my neighbourhood in the under 10's 100 meter dash in the mini-olympics in 1972!:)

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I never run unless someone is chasing me

😂

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Hey! Cool to read that you are also running!

How often do you run? And what weekly km goal that you target?

My biggest advice for beginning runners would be:

  • increase your milage slowly. Focus on adding 5% in weekly distance.
  • use focussed sessions : either work on increasing distance / endurance or speed work. Don’t do both in one session.
  • work towards an achievable goal and pick a new goal right after reaching that goal.
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Right now I run ~ 30m to 1h, 5 days a week. My coach is my Garmin watch!

Your advice is solid based on my understanding so far.

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You will never catch me running for recreational. I'm lucky my knees and hips have held up so far. I gave up the treadmill and bicycle for that reason. Just finished an hour walk with my daughter and her dog, though.

However, from time to time, to the amazement of those around me, I will break into a sprint.

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Walking, too, is super beneficial to your health. Especially if you can do it for an hour a day.

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