The Truth about Pig Love

in #steemstem3 years ago (edited)

I saw this on Facebook and decided to go through it one by one. You know, take all the fun, playful humour, out of it.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (O.M.G.!!!) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy. I'm still not over the pig.) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. (Honey, I'm home . What the...?) The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still can't believe that pig ...quality over quantity.) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (Okay, so that would be a good thing.) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that, too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (Talk about a southpaw.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts. (and God love that pig)..

Public Domain

This is a pretty quote-heavy post but trust me, read all of them.

A lot of these seem like your typical fun fact you say at a party in a subtle attempt to scream you need a way to express your bubbling intellect, but end up just making yourself the annoying one everyone should avoid (unless you successfully give your factoid in a suitably ironic, self-mocking tone that people actually buy).

IDGAF about that anymore so I'm gonna see how much truth there is in them. Starting with the obvious:

Pig Orgasms

According to Purdue University, the process of collecting boar semen is a long and complicated one.

Before you can even begin, you need a setup costing around $5,000, including scales, cooling units, sperm counting equipment and so on. Once you've made this hefty investment, you must prep your gear, pre-warm the semen container, prep your constant (empty container), a few extra steps, then unleash your horny boars.

For hygienic or fashionable reasons, you must cut back the hair. This is followed by very strict rules of contamination with specific techniques on how to use double-paired gloves and making sure not to touch anything else except the penis.

Now here's our answer. After pre-ejaculate comes the 'sperm-rich' period of the process.

Always allow the boar to complete his ejaculation (5-8 minutes).

Other sources elaborate:

When the penis is 'locked' in the hand and the boar relaxes, a four-phase ejaculation follows in a few seconds, taking 5 to 10 minutes to complete. The first phase, called the pre-sperm fraction, has clear seminal fluid, some gel, dead sperm cells and is heavily contaminated with bacteria.

The next phase is the sperm-rich fraction, easily recognised by its creamy-white colour. Although only 50 mL in volume, it contains the greatest density of spermatozoa.

The third fraction, greyish because of lower density of spermatozoa, accounts for about 80 mL of the collection.

The fourth phase or post-sperm fraction provides the large semen volume peculiar to pigs. Up to 250 mL of clear seminal plasma free of spermatozoa plus gel is secreted from the accessory glands.

Upper estimates seem to be about 15 minutes, barely half of the stated fact. however:

When it is clear the boar's erection is fading, a second ejaculation can be stimulated with brief, firm, pulsating hand pressure applied to his penis.

Could this double the time to 30? I would suppose this is the upper limits, but possible. But whether or not this counts as a single orgasm is probably going to remain unknown.

Not only do we not know what the boar is feeling - if anything, but we can't even define 'Orgasm' for ourselves:

At least twenty-six definitions of orgasm were listed in the journal Clinical Psychology Review

Ergo, there is no consensus on what exactly an orgasm is, so how are we so arrogant to boldly award pigs such an honourable record?

Yep, I'm doing it.

I'm going to dissect this Facebook meme for weeks to come, breaking down these 'factoids', if that is their real... name.



boar-ring :D

Eesh your puns are like a deadly patHOGen.

Don't go ham on the puns now :D

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I still can't get over the fact that someone was hired to give boars a handjob...

Not only that, but it seems to be an entire industry...

God no. lol

I'm expecting Bonobos to feature at least once in your dissection. Also, left-handed pigs. Most pigs are right-handed, and right-handed pigs cannot breed with left-handed pigs. Poor left-handed pigs.


'Most pigs are right-handed' - What are you trying to say about the human condition, eh?

Thanks for the insight! Though since bonobos are NOT in the Facebook post, I would be breaking the rules if I were to feature them... maybe I'll slip them in subtly somewhere

Bonobos feature hypersexuality, and are not mentioned along with H. sapiens and D. delphis. Many such cases. Sad! Also, it's not really the hands of pigs that are right or left. It's their inseminatory organs, shaped like corkscrews.

This could be very interesting to follow!

Everything I write is guaranteed to be interesting... at least for myself, anyway =)

Do you need a real boar to dissect this? :D

I sow what you did there =P A boar's meticulous truffle hunting ability would indeed be pretty useful =)

I fully agree with that! :D

Made me say hmmmm ...and now I feel like I need a thought exorcism. I wonder how long THAT might take...

How are we so arrogant to boldly award pigs such an honourable record?

30 frigging minutes, they say.

 3 years ago Reveal Comment