Space Testical Earth and it's Tectonic Balls

in #rant2 years ago (edited)

I shitposted in one of the comment sections on a recent post by @themarkymark, saying that I'd watch any kind of conspiracy theory/flat earth kind of content for 100 Hive per hour.


It was a throw-away joke comment, that I definitely didn't intend to go anywhere with - as all shitposts are - until...


@lasseehlers made an actual offer to provide me some coin for my time. And, as I stated then - a deal is a deal. So even though I was sure I wasn't going to drink the tinfoil-koolaid of flat-earth... I thought it'd do no harm to watch the hour of video.

So, my wife and I popped it on the living room TV and settled in for what - I have to admit - was one of the best "bad science movie" style videos we've seen in a hot minute.

So, what follows is going to be my thoughts on the "Best flat earth documentary till date" as it was dubbed on the LasseCash post. Note that, none of this is an attack on lasseehlers himself or, really, anyone that does believe this. Folks can and should believe whatever the fuck they want so long as it isn't directly hurting others. That said, I am going to rip into how fuckin' dumb this video was.

First off... It is, I think, telling that the 'experts' of this... documentary (which is a term I use extremely loosely here), are a go-nowhere failed rapper, some Instagram influencer, and a random guy who likes to rant about religion.

As this is supposed to be (as far as I can tell) a video meant to sway folks to the side of Flat Earth being real, it's got a whole ton of what I think are issues that I'm more than happy to criticize.

The entire video has a "first year film student" vibe. Cheesy deep-voice modulation underscores what I assume are meant to be "gotcha, science!" moments in a way that lends absolutely no credibility. The after-effects are also reminicent of YouTube vlogs from the early years of the site, which definitely doesn't help.

A core issue of the video is that it can't pick a fucking conspiracy and stick with it. They spend as much time (or more?) going on unrelated tangents including, but not limited to:

  • Gravity is fake!
  • Satellites are real, but orbits are fake and they're suspended by giant balloons.
  • The moon is fake and is plasma, so couldn't have possibly been landed on.
  • The sun is a small localized light source (like a flash-light? I guess?)
  • Claims that space-walks are just in big tanks because of "space bubbles" (which are pretty obviously bits of debris being dislodged into space)
  • Neil DeGrasse Tyson is fat


The video really doesn't focus on any particular evidence that makes any sense... they bounce around from one nonsense conspiracy to another, many of which are based on a lack of understanding about how core elements work. There's a good five minutes that they hammer on about how most images of the moon are "computer-generated" without anyone seeming to know or acknowledge that image layering is a common practice and is - generally - what they're calling "computer-generated" in the video. This is just one example of many many points where it's painfully obvious that the "do your own research" crowd hasn't actually... done their research.

Now, I will say, for all I absolutely shit on this video - it did have one saving grace.

It had some amazing one-liners. My favorite of which was "Space Testical Earth", which a second later talked about "tectonic balls" instead of tectonic plates.

And, at one point some background music played, singing "all the stars are bullshit" which is absolutely fantastic, a real banger that I'd totally rock out to any time of the day.

There was also the moment where the religious zealot commented that the earth was flat because of... umm.. my notes say "Unicorn Farts from Satan".

The real clincher here for me though, and the biggest reason I 100% discount the idea of a flat earth, is that these folks want me to believe that all the governments of the world are in on some conspiracy to keep us away from the giant ice walls that keep us in our little flat petri dish. And that... that's where this really dies.

Have none of these people ever dealt with the government before?!?!

The dumb fucks in the Canadian gov't can't quickly and accurately send me a simple piece of paper in the mail to the address that exists on every single piece of gov't issued ID I own... and conspiracy theorists ACTUALLY BELIEVE that these same jokers in gov't are capable of all coming together and keeping something as big as a giant fucking ice wall A SECRET?!


You know they'd fuck that up. They're incompetent at the best of times when it doesn't matter. There's a snowball's chance in hell they'd pull off something like that that does matter.


@lasseehlers, it's okay if you don't pay out the rest of our 15K deal, and for all that I tear into the video I did have a blast watching it. It was worth it for the laughs for sure.

 2 years ago 

Neil DeGrasse Tyson is fat

I lol’d at that one.

I remember when @lassehlers sent me a 5 minute video providing the Earth was flat and I found the source video which it was only a 4 second cut from on loop that clearly shows the Earth being round if you watch the original footage. @lassehlers was so triggered.

Hahah glad you enjoyed it. (Sorry, phone only has my main account so I'm replying here).

It's fun how so many conspiracy theories from the "do your own research" crowd fundamentally rely on their base not actually looking into their claims at all.

The Dunning-Kruger is strong with some folks.

 2 years ago 

The Dunning-Kruger is strong with some folks.


Thanks for the review, now I almost want to watch the video for a good laugh.

the "do your own research" crowd hasn't actually... done their research.

This seems to happen so often these past few years. You hear some variations of it almost daily, usually followed by proofs that even if they weren't already debunked, my 10 year-old niece could debunk them in her sleep... Sometimes, I almost wonder if it's not attempts at satire.

Great post. Now I want to watch a video that is unlikely to live up to the shit talking.

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 2 years ago (edited)Reveal Comment
 2 years ago Reveal Comment

question for you not covered in the video; I live in Nunavut, the sun doesn't set. How is that explained by your localized sun?

 2 years ago 

The sun runs on solar power

That's a good one the sun does roll solar power

Can you see the giant ice wall from your house?

See, I'm never quite sure if I'm supposed to be defending the wall from the grumpkins and snarks or I'm at the center of the proverbial plate....

Valaryn steel. Or dragon glass.

Though we might need some.insect in the leadership to save the world.

Hey if you want to pay me to watch it I'll totally watch it and do the same thing what's up man?

 2 years ago Reveal Comment

I'm down! Deal.

Currently watching this.

I'll pause it and get into it.

 2 years ago (edited)Reveal Comment

Done done done...

Party. Yep. Even just posted.

Wow. Some great points. The astrotheogon? What rock did he crawl.out of.

That was definitely the worst part. Besides the entitled Rich idiot.

Well getting paid to watch it wasn't as bad as I was thinking. Actually I enjoyed the beating NASA got.

If that's the best documentary flat earth has? Well.. not sure I'll watch any more then

NASA conspiracy isn't bad though.

So yep let me know when you're shipping the LC my way. I'm planning on staking my flat earth cryptocurrency.

 2 years ago Reveal Comment

Well thank you very much for paying people to watch this video.

Other than the one crazy guy and the rich entitled idiot it was actually not that bad.

 2 years ago Reveal Comment

Astrotheogon and Mr Nissan.

Happy to watch it. As I mentioned, it was a real fun time. I definitely don't buy in - but it sure put a smile on my face so I thank you for that.