RE: Psychology Addict # 59 | Discussing Modern Caregiving.
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My Dear Abigail,
(I agree with @owasco --not long at all)🌸
Once again you venture into territory that will give each of us much thought, about the way we were raised, the way we raise our children, and the way others raise their children. This ties in very well with your blog about punishment.
First of all, I must say how annoyed I am with Adrian's mother. Doesn't she understand that one of the most important lessons she can teach her child is the relationship to others? I think four or five siblings would come in handy here...they would do the job (perhaps brutally) the mother neglects.
Pets would come in handy also, pets that are respected and cared for, perhaps adopted from a shelter. Of course Adrian's manners are terrible. The whole principle behind manners is a respect and regard for others. Now I think of your blog on compassion--we are equipped by nature to care about others, but nature can't do the job alone. Adrian has to be taught how his behavior affects other people.
Which is why I love your advice to your nephew: “Do you know that because of all the water the lady in charge of keeping the bathroom clean had extra work to do?” It's our job as adults to cultivate the compassion/empathy with which nature has equipped a child.
On a personal basis: my parenting was deficient in so many areas, but my children never would have grabbed a bunny out of anyone's package :)
The Mueller and Dweck study is fascinating, although I feel for the poor children who were afraid to disappoint expectations. I wonder if they weren't as concerned about disappointing themselves, as disappointing the test administrators.
I do differ with you in one respect--when it comes to art. For a very young child, I think all art is "good". We've no idea what the child sees, what the child imagines. It is that imagination, that wandering through perception, that leads to discovery. And it's harmless--has no objective value. As the child ages, of course, creativity can be lauded in more realistic terms. Just my opinion :)
As always, an essay that will give all of us much to reflect on. Thank you, Abigail, for sharing your insight and helping us to grow.
With Affection and Respect,❤
Your New York friend,
AG
@agmoore 😊 , my dearest!
So, as a mum and grandmother you see no harm in complimenting the child's work itself, right? I see and respect your point. Plus, this explains your observation very well.
Thank you ;) <3
I do think Mueller & Dweck's study is fascinating.
Excellent question about the children's concern towards disappointing themselves or the researchers! In PART II of that very study, the students were asked by the researchers to write a letter to students from a different school. They were asked to narrate their experience regarding the activity. Several children from the "clever group" lied and/or inflated their scores.
The researchers said that :
My nephew is a naughty little one. My mother says he is just like me in "boy's version". My mother tells me that after being sent to the "naughty corner" for a few minutes and she said: "Abigail, you can go and play now!", I would reply: "Now I am staying here forever!" 😩
But J.P is well-mannered and likable, which helps his socialization skills very much.
As for Adrian, people just end up avoiding him. For the reasons you already know. But, you will be pleased to know he's got 2 cats for his birthday last July! :D
Thank you my dear, for this incredibly thorough feedback, and for pointing out aspects that add to my understanding towards the upbringing of children.
The temperature is dropping here and I am very much looking forward to autumn. Much love to you from cloudy Portugal <3 :*
Oh, yes, dear Abigail, you understand me perfectly 🌟. The very young child's work, endorsed, supported, encouraged. I would not presume to understand what children see, what they imagine from their naive perspective--would not want to curb an exploring intellect. People sometimes spend a lifetime trying to get back the spontaneity in art that was stifled by 'education'. However, to falsely proclaim talent where none exists--that is foolish and even cruel.
I recognize your stubborn self in me. I would not sit down to dinner once because my mother wanted my brother to sit at the head of the table. Many instances of rebellion, which I think overall has served me well :)
I'm worried about those cats! If he's that thoughtless and she's that obliging...hope the cats are OK.
I don't think I could expand your understanding, but thank you for being courteous in saying that. Your pieces stay with me and influence the way I view many situations.
Another great piece.
Friday and I'm ready for a quiet weekend...unseasonably warm and sunny today.
Enjoy autumn 🍂--the season for reflection.
Regards and Affection,
Your friend, AG