(JaiChai) Science Fiction: "41st Century Dating Sites Suck!"
"41st Century Dating Sites Suck!"
I just wasted 75 seconds of my time Jaiartion hyper-searching [an accelerated form of speed-scanning data from four or more virtual screens using my primary and secondary sets of visual orbs] for prospective social contacts on the newest dating platform of the Tri-Universe area "IM4U".
TBH, right now I'm just about ready to give up on this multiverse dating stuff, delete my IM4U account and go back to the old fashioned way of dating.
That's when I don my J-Incubus fractal suit and phase in and out of whichever Spordello I choose in "The Unregulated Zone", a string of Class IV planetoids, orbiting micro-moons and thousands of homesteading Spordellos; each one with their own style of satisfying a customer's "total needs".
I like to call it "The Assteroid Belt".
Personally, I like the small and discreet Hedono-Pits of "Betchukant 12X". It's a clean, classy and reasonably priced MFA (Multi-Species' Friendly) establishment.
Anyway, back on topic: Scammed by IM4U.
The biggest issue for me is the fact that whether I use the platform or not, not one nano-Zil of my QEC (Quantum Energy Credits) is going back into my DNA wallet.
That equates to 2 gogols of QEC straight down the food/waste recycling vents.
Imagine this.
An hour ago, when I was chatting with the super sexy IM4U synthetic salesperson, the "Special, One Time Only, VIP Discount Plan" sounded like a sweet deal.
I mean, the buyer gets "up to 60% off on any all fully-featured, 207 year plan".
All that's required to enjoy this "Once in a Lifetime" promotion is to pay for the whole plan at the discounted price in advance...(that's where I royally f*cked up).
Like a gullible Venutian who just fell off the FTL transport yesterday, I eagerly let the salesperson scan the DNA/QEC-Chip embedded in my left pinky finger - the sixth and smallest digit of a Jaiartian's hand.
In fact, I insisted that the salesperson stroke my left pinky twice - just to make sure that my transaction went through properly; whilst extending the delicious skin-to-synth contact a few seconds longer.
The salesperson has long since vectored out of my personal sensory aura and now I am suffering from severe "Buyer's Remorse".
Why?
Because after my first 70 seconds of "alive time" on IM4U, I realized that "fully-featured" means that I can enjoy all the bells and whistle's of the platform only for the first 70 seconds.
After that, my QEC account is "conveniently" debited (aka "raped") for every additional millisecond of use.
Later, while scrutinizing my contract for any kind of loophole to get my credits back, I discovered IM4U's definition of "up to 60% discount":
...from 1% to 59%, commensurate to how many times and how much your QEC account is debited.
Since a refund had little to no chance of happening, I accepted my fate and tried another 70 second session; literally feeling a steady stream of QEC exiting my wallet.
It would've almost been worth it if at least 1% of IM4U's billions of users weren't con artists, frauds, mentally-ill posers and pathological liars.
I mean, seriously?
How can anyone believe that all those females with perfectly coiffed chartreuse hair are truly authentic, "Real Yellow-Greens"?
Or how about the millions of mid-400 year old hemalles, femalles and allmalles sporting 12 rows of "Natural Abs"?
Yeah right.
And shaking a plate of lunar jello doesn't look like a fat, 3-breasted Akadian hooker on a cold night?
[beep, beep, ding]
Huh?
[ding, ding, honk!]
What the...?
Oh sh*t!
Guys, I got'ta cut this spacecast short.
I didn't notice that my vis/audio console has been on "Universal Access" mode this whole time.
And now, all the people I've been dissing for the last 2 hours are blasting me hategrams.
Imagine that?
I'm getting insulted by millions of people from every sector of 27 known universes!
"Keep 'em coming people! I want to get every nano-Zil's worth of "friendly, social interaction" from this f*ckin' Black Hole of a platform!
Have you ever heard "F*ck You!" shouted in 537 interplanetary languages?"
[To be continued?]
May you and yours be well and loving life today.
In Lak'ech, JaiChai
(JaiChai 01 DEC 2021. Simultaneous multi-site submissions posted. All rights reserved.)