I was watching a documentary on female orgasm on Netflix and one thing I picked up was how subjective the matter is. Unlike the male orgasm which is followed by some physiological proof--ejaculation, female orgasm isn't quite clear. A lot of females describe it differently which is perplexing.
For instance, some women associate squirting with orgasm which might not be the same for another woman. So there is a chance that a woman who is reaching her peak but not squirting assumes she hasn't had an orgasm, right?
As you said, when it comes to female orgasm there are psychological needs that need to be factored in. Proper communication between spouses can help in the process as well. Unfortunately not every woman knows how her body works and it takes time and some level of curiosity to explore the female body to find what works.