Why don't I last long in bed( A case of premature ejaculation)

in StemSocial2 years ago (edited)
I was talking to some of my friends about lasting in bed. One of my friends said he is able to last for 2 hours, another of my friend said fifteen minutes. I was surprised about the range then another friend of mine complained that he couldn't last more than 3 minutes and that the maximum time he could go without ejaculating was 5 minutes.

In today's post, I will be talking about premature ejaculation, its causes, and how to combat it.


Premature ejaculation simply means ejaculating so fast that your partner does not get satisfied or you do not get satisfied. However, there are standard definitions for premature ejaculation and I won't be sticking to the literal meaning of it. I will be defining it according to some standard bodies.
American urology association considers premature ejaculation to be any time a person ejaculates earlier than they or their partner would like.
International society of sexual medicine says if ejaculation happens in less than three minutes, then it is premature.
WebMD considers less than a minute premature ejaculation.

The timeframe for ejaculation is not necessary, what is necessary is the impact it has on relationships. Sex is a really sensitive thing to a lot of people and has a way of affecting the quality of life of a lot of people. It could affect self-esteem and later destroy relationships.

That said, what could be the cause of Premature ejaculation?

The exact cause of premature ejaculation is not known but there have been a lot of associations. Most men used to last long while they were younger, had more firm erection but as age came, responsibility, stress, and other things sexual functions depreciated. Below are some of the causes of premature ejaculation.

  • Serotonin: serotonin is a substance in the body made by nerves. It has been linked with depression hence its use in treating depression. It has been noticed that a higher level of this substance in the body correlates with increased time to ejaculate and low amounts in the brain shorten the time for ejaculation
  • Psychological factors also cause premature ejaculation. These factors include; depression, stress, guilt, unrealistic expectations about sexual performance, history of sexual repression, lack of confidence, relationship problems
  • Age is also an important association with Premature ejaculation. Although it can occur at any age, it tends to have a positive correlation with age meaning that as you grow older, you tend not to last longer. That's where the famous joke of sugar daddies not being as stressful as young boys came from.

Are there ways to help or slow down ejaculation?

Yes, there are ways. I was talking to a friend and he was saying things like sexual positions, speed, and all sorts of things but since we are not here for hearsay I will be talking about proven methods that have worked overtime.

The first technique is the stop and starts method; This step involves having intercourse or getting stimulated till the point of ejaculation and then stopping the stimulation till the urge goes down. The drawback of this method is the fact that your partner may not be happy with the breaks. This should be done not more than 3 times meaning the fourth time one should ejaculation.

The second remedy is called the squeeze method; This method involves stimulating yourself to the point of ejaculation and then squeezing the penis causing the erection to weaken slightly.

I have heard about the deep breathing method. Sources claim that it helps in refocusing their mind and then be in control of their erection. You can try holding your breath when you are erect, you will discover the erection weakens.

Some doctors recommend this old technique where you visualize something totally unrelated to sex. they claim it reduces the intensity of the experience and hence delays ejaculation. The usual thing men are told to do is to think of a baseball game. For those of you who don't follow baseball, you could think of the hardship arsenal is going through right now... Just kidding
Masturbation prolongs the time for ejaculation and studies have proven that it is effective. However, some religions do not approve of it. if your religion does not approve of it, you can make do with other techniques.
Other methods include the use of condoms, desensitizers, cock rings, and so on. Condoms help reduce the sensitivity of the penis and this acts as a cock ring if it's tight enough. Most people have noticed that when they use condoms they last more and I totally agree with them.

Sex toys are also an option in helping people with premature ejaculation. Although there are a lot of controversies on this and some people have their beliefs against it. It's an option for those that indulge in such.

As I said earlier premature ejaculation can stem from psychological factors. Therefore, psychotherapy plays a huge role in its management. Men with this condition should talk to their partners about it. Most times, it gets better when it's been discussed. Also, consulting a psychotherapist is very helpful in managing people with premature ejaculation.

Pelvic floor exercises also help with control. Some sources recommend holding urine, stopping the flow, and then continuing. Although there is no data to back up its effectiveness.

Lifestyle adjustment has so many benefits and sexual benefit is amongst them. Reduction in alcohol intake, smoking can help boost one's sexual life. Avoidance of recreational drugs and healthy eating also helps. Exercise and stress management strategies like yoga contribute a lot. Diabetes can cause sexual dysfunction and lifestyle adjustment can combat this condition.

When should you see a doctor?

Sexual issues are really sensitive ones. when it is really distressing to you or your partner, you should see a doctor. When home remedies and maneuvres are not working, you should see a doctor.

In summary, premature ejaculation can be really devastating. however, the first step is talking about it and then applying techniques to see if it gets better. If it doesn't see your doctor for proper therapy.


Thank you for reading


Personally, I don't believe in any ejaculation being premature. People are configured differently and sexual dysfunction should not be mixed up with premature ejaculation. Going by the definition, you are saying that even if my woman does not get satisfied after 3 hours of coitus, my ejaculation is still premature? I don't think sexual satisfaction should be limited to coitus only.

It is what the book says and that's why I feel couples should talk
Sources say it takes an average of 20 min of active penetration for a woman to get an orgasm. .. Most women get an orgasm before an hour...

I totally agree that sexual satisfaction is not court's dependent. Sometimes emotional states help with sexual satisfaction. I am sure you have heard ladies say they enjoy sex when they love the person

I worked a few years as a pharmacy technician and the extent to which men go just to be called champion in bed is scary. They go as far as taking drugs meant for something else to boost their libido and make them last longer in bed. Many have lost their lives in trying to satisfy unsatisfiable women. Poor souls.

So sad... I must say

Problem no dey finish lol, my advice to young married people is to take it easy

I agree with you o. Make person no go kill himself.

Discussing with the spouse is vital

Thanks for your contribution to the STEMsocial community. Feel free to join us on discord to get to know the rest of us!

Please consider supporting our funding proposal, approving our witness (@stem.witness) or delegating to the @stemsocial account (for some ROI).

Please consider using the STEMsocial app app and including @stemsocial as a beneficiary to get a stronger support. 

How can one go about this