Shhh

in OCD2 months ago

After two weeks of what I can't say was anything close to a proper vacation, I am back sitting in the office prepping for what is probably going to be my most difficult customer delivery by a long way and is scheduled for the next two days. The challenge is that large parts of it should be delivered by a technical consultant as they are highly specialized, complicated and customer specific - and my role is far more end user and general in nature.

A consultant works for many months or potentially years building a solution for a customer and has a very, very good understanding of the implementation and the internal processes of the customer - Someone in my position gets a handful of hours to get up to speed. I have worked on this during furlough days prior to and then a few of my holiday days also and still am far behind the 8-ball in regards to where I would be even close to semi-comfortable.

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As always however, I will do my best and what happens will happen, but for a very long time, this is about the most "fish out of water" I have felt and I can feel the tension in my body. The challenge is exacerbated as everyone else associated with the project is out on vacation and unreachable. There is very little I can now do other than wear whatever results arrive and these will also be affected by the remote nature of delivery and the very long days the participants must endure, while mostly listening to complex processes getting fumbled by an inexperienced trainer - yay.

Well, I am definitely not an inexperienced trainer under normal circumstances, though when it comes to this content, it is not my wheelhouse nor responsibility under normal conditions. It kind of pisses me off a bit as it definitely has an effect on my own reputation as it isn't the customers issue and they do not have to understand the background at all, but they will be the ones evaluating my performance. Last year, I averaged an approval rating of over 90% - I am expecting this delivery to be around 40-50% - which is terrible by anyone's standard.

It is mentally draining to put in so much effort knowing that the result is highly likely to be very poor due to so many factors outside of my control. The work is now about "mitigation" of damage, rather than generation of value. Fucking annoying.

As you can probably gather from my writing, I am definitely not in the best frame of mind for any kind of customer delivery or talking to people in general at all, but perhaps venting a little will help get over some of the frustration and disappointment in the situation. Maybe then I will better be able to focus my energies and find some inspiration to do more than mitigation and possibly squeeze some actual value out of the delivery for the customer and "save face" little for myself.

Well, let's see how the next few hours go before I have to head home and get some rest for what will be a very early wake up for the delivery. One of the problems with being remote is that I am available to deliver "wherever in the world" and unfortunately, not everyone is in European time zones. This was meant to be an on-site delivery outside of Europe, but due to the Corona situation, got cancelled. Not sure if it is better or worse, but in general, a lot of challenges can be overcome through face to face interaction, but through the screen, people are far less charitable.

Sounds familiar.

Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]

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A tough predicament but this is not your fault and sounds as though you have been left to carry the can. Things normally turn out better than they originally look and feel. Give it your best shot is all anyone can ask of someone and knowing you will be above that. Just stay positive and be yourself.

Pity I can't kick the can down the road on this one :D

I will wear it like any other loss.

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The work is now about "mitigation" of damage, rather than generation of value. Fucking annoying.

Hey, my workplace feels like that now as well.

I also had my first day back today after two weeks off. :)

At least I can always come back here to relax a little.

At least I can always come back here to relax a little.

I think this is valuable in and of itself as while it is a relaxing space (for some of us at least) it also is an active space - a recharge point :)

Hope you enjoyed the two weeks off - do you remember them still? :d

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I usually ask "What's the worst thing that can happen?" but I think this might be one of those times to just STFU.

I think you might be prepping yourself for a potential bad outcome and trying to make your mind wrap the possibility. I suspect you are very good at what you do and will come out of this better than you anticipate.

All that said, what's up with your company? How can they send you in to do essentially two jobs on your own? That doesn't make a great deal of sense to me. I understand going from in person to remote, but to compound that by making the presentation short handed? Does the company not really like this client?

I think the problem was that the setup for the training wasn't well organized or at least, there was a misunderstanding in what my department does and what technical consultants do. I think the customer didn't understand and extended the scope, but wasn't reined back in clearly enough, so their expectations of what is to be delivered is outside the range that trainers like myself deliver . Grin and take it in this scenario, but I am planning on making sure that I am not put in this position again.

What is that last comment here all about?

You have the inbred qualities and experience to deal with this one Taraz.
At times a problem can seem like a mountain, but then afterwards we realize that it was only a molehill.
We expect nothing less than 90% on this one amd if you can't win them b...sh.t them lol.

What is that last comment here all about?

Spam.

We expect nothing less than 90% on this one amd if you can't win them b...sh.t them lol.

Now you sound like my boss ;D

Hahaha, I have been a boss many times in my life Taraz and old tricks never die, they only get passed on hahaha,

Let's see how it rolls tomorrow. I am okay either way - as annoyed as I might feel :)

Atta boy or something like that lol.

Well, good luck to you. Often we imagine the future to be much harsher than everything actually turns out to be. Do not prepare yourself for failure, everything can happen quite well, as you do not even expect.

Worst case scenario I lose my job and have to live off crypto ;D

When a fish feels out of the water, it will grow legs and walk. I am sure you are one of those brave fishies lol. I can imagine the mental pressure. It must be hard. But you are well equipped to handle pressure, I can see that😉

I am glad that you have faith in me on this one :D

One thing that I am okay with these days is not identifying with unavoidable failure - I do my best and if it isn't good enough - fine. But when it is something I have very little control over, is it my failure?

No, it is not. It is best to not spend time thinking about what is out of our control

Still, very annoying :D

I will survive...

Yes you will! 😁

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Yikers!

I have been dreading every time I have to leave out on a trip due to my safety. In a mentally melting down society over here.

Way different scenario...

But dread is dread. Not a good feeling. And well said...

"It is mentally draining to put in so much effort knowing that the result is highly likely to be very poor due to so many factors outside of my control. The work is now about "mitigation" of damage, rather than generation of value. Fucking annoying."

"Fucking Annoying!"

YOUR TITLE IS VERY UNIQUE, JUST Hhhh. KEEP IT BROTHER