For the love of connection
At the start of the Corona lockdown and remote work sessions, I said to my boss that while it is easy for us to go remote, our team is likely to suffer in ways that some other departments may not. My reasoning was that while we are technical trainers, we are also mostly people people and losing direct interaction with each other and our clients would take away a part of our work that is valued by us as individuals and is probably necessary to feel connected to what we do.
Based on a well-being survey that went out about 6 weeks ago, our department was selected as one of the pilot groups for a mental health service the company is testing to see if it is suitable for all employees. So, I am guessing that my concerns back in March weren't unfounded.
Personally and generally, I am not a fan of therapy as I find that people come to both rely on it and then also start to lower their resilience overtime. In some way, it feels like therapy enables people to become softer. I am not saying that it is never needed, but I also think that it is over sued in our society, kind of like opioids in the US.
In my own experience working across companies and my relationships with friends, the people who cater the most for their stress and see it as a negative, become increasingly unreliable in the workplace. They will often change jobs that cause them stress to something that offers less responsibility, but do very little to actually change themselves and their own capabilities to face the world. I think that often, there is a disconnect in what people see as the cause of stress - where they mistake the trigger for the bullet.
I think though, that similarly to the opioid abuse epidemic in the US, a lot of the increases in stress are caused by social dysfunction of some kind, where many people are no longer experiencing relationships where they feel the intimacy and support of a loving partner. This isn't just love relationships either, it is also the extension of friends and family, where in the past there was a lot of social depth of interaction, it has largely been pushed out to shallow transactions on social media and applications. And even the real life meetings center around what people have consumed digitally.
Talking with my wife last night, I was saying that the only reason I work is for the relationships it supports, I do not get much value from it personally. Yes, there is the money aspect, but what I mean is that I do not identify myself through my job other than for practical purposes. My sense of self comes through my personal relationships, as it is through these that I get a reflection of who I actually am as a human - a social being that is part of a past, current and future network of other humans. If that network didn't exist or I had no social ties of any kind, what is the point of having a job? It becomes meaningless.
I think without that social network, most of what we do in this world becomes meaningless very fast, meaning that there is no point to do it. With the way society is moving toward a breaking a down of social connections to be replaced by digital surrogates, I think that we are continually degrading the relevance of what we do and who we are, as we are no longer reflected be each other, we are projected upon by an algorithm. Whether people acknowledge this in themselves or not is beside the point, as we are all affected because like it or not, we are part of the network of humans and we are therefore, all bound together in some way to the outcomes of the group.
But, once we are pushed into cellular living, we start to act independently, but without the feedback from the social network that would align our goals and build trends born from the group. The strength of a decentralized network is in the ability for many to act independently, but there has to be a high level of transparency and feedback in order to inform the decisions and behaviors. Without that feedback, it becomes a weakness.
But, with the technology we have available to target engineered feedback with granular position, we can feel that we are acting according to the trends of the group, but rather than being born from the group itself, the trends are actually a dictation from some kind of centralized authority. I think that this is where it has been heading for a couple decades and, I think that we are seeing the weakness created in the system from the process. Rather than a strengthening of society, we have seen a weakening and fracturing along every conceivable line.
As this disconnection drives us into the sense of meaninglessness, we start to search for meaning and that sense of self that used to come through the reflection in our relationships. So, we join "social" movements which are actually another branch of the engineering department designed to fragment society in order to drive profits.
I think that we should be concerned at how "easy" it was for the world to lockdown, socially distance and for us to go remote, as it indicates that we have lost touch with the importance of the network of humans that have for millennia, advanced us through the building of relationships. But, most of us will adamantly take the stance that we do not need anyone, as we take medications to combat depression and disconnection; and take to the streets in protest to prove to a world designed not to listen, that we matter - all while neglecting the relationships that actually matter.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
Thanks for the article. I enjoyed wisdom. Example,
Many would envy such an understanding. I do not know the level of literacy of specialists in psychological assistance, but I think they will not be able to tell you anything new.
I don't know if it is about learning anything new. Perhaps where therapy can be useful is helping to apply what is known at the practical level. The problem is, often very little of it is practical. Since I have the opportunity to take part, I will as I think it will be interesting to see how they approach it all.
Because love make us live
According to Aristotle, human beings are “social animals” and therefore naturally seek the companionship of others as part of their well being.
The moment we stop socialising, metal pressure and breakdown begins
I think that we are seeing the early signs now, it is going to get much worse in the next decade.
Yeah, can’t agree with you any less
We also have Artificial Intelligence causing serious technological displacement of labour, this is also something to worry about.
Ten years ago, this would just be a rant by a conspiracy theorist. Now it's a poignant observation by a guy who's paying attention.
I ranted back then - no one listened. The same people now are slowly starting to ask questions - some even acknowledge the past.
Similar with crypto. A friend of mine who ran into some money back at the start of the year was talking about investing it which he did through his bank. Before this, I said it might be worth putting a percentage of it into BTC and he didn't do it. that was around March and April this year. He asked me later how he can get into Bitcoin and I showed him - he didn't do it. That was when it was sitting at 10K, 300% up on March - he has missed 60% since. When do people start paying attention to the patterns?
They don't look at patterns, they just look at the price, and buy when it's high. Then when it dips they get dejected and sell.
Glad they're out there, though.
I've had Therapy. About 6 months after my daughter died I was still just an emotional wreck and didn't seem to be making ANY progress in wading through my grief. My brother knew a guy that he'd gone to when his marriage ended (it was not pretty), and he'd ended up friends with the therapist. I was desperate so I went. The first time I met him he said "This isn't lifetime business. If you aren't where you want to be in 6 months you need to fire me and find someone that can help you."
We did some 'standard' grief counseling but what he found early on was that I had PTSD without a military reason. That simple thing answered so many questions that the rest actually came fairly easily. I was with him for 3 months and done.
Which is to say that I think professional help has it's place. Not as a substitute for human interaction but on the level of any specialist. I had a guy in Spokane that sharpened all my edge tools. Not that I couldn't do it but it took forever and I wasn't particularly good at it. Same with the therapist. I suspect I'd have gotten around to where I needed to be but it would have taken some serious time and considerable effort on my part.
It'll be interesting to see what/how/why you think of the process. I'll be watching for your next report.
This is where it can be beneficial as with some things (and who we each are) we can get stuck in a loop of sorts without the tools to break free. The risk is that we keep lowering the threshold before we seek help, rather than expanding our toolkit. I think you understand what I mean by this.
And with this too - I think there are times where we could spend time on something more valuable than finding our own solution. This way we can leverage the learning of others - but it has the same risk as above - that we end up learning nothing, but follow a lot of lists.
I am looking forward to it as for a long time I have been told I need help. Normally from people who I talk about Hive with :D
Exactly. Finding specialists who can do a thing faster and better is often the most cost effective way. Emotional or physical cost.
Even when I was a serious mechanic I didn't rewind starters. There was a guy with a shop and that's all he did. In a real push I could take a starter to him and get it back in a couple of hours. Same with carburetors. I could overhaul them, but there was a shop that could do it in less than half the time. I could be working productively on something else instead of spinning my wheels by overhauling a carb.
I think with some of your examples you are hinting at the problem of getting help too soon - you can do these things yourself - and then you outsource them. I think with psychological skills, it would be good if everyone has some level of proficiency before outsourcing as at some times in life - there is only us, we are alone.
You must think psychotherapy is like watching television for the patient.
What makes you think that?
Because passive activities like watching television is what makes people soft. From what I know about psychotherapy, the goal is change when a patient is stuck in ways of coping with whatever is ailing them that are keeping them dysfunctional or worsening their condition. When psychotherapy is effective it should increase a persons resiliency in the face of adversity through serious effort. We all know how difficult (profound) change is.
The problem I see with it from those I know use it is that it depends heavily on the person to begin with and their ability to take agency. Some use it as a crutch and whenever they get uncomfortable or want some sympathy, they go to a therapist. Perhaps they need someone to talk to, but they don't necessarily need a therapist. But hey, this is the world where some think intimacy isn't needed or whatever the Internet offers as a subsititute is enough. I think the rise in people going to therapy is a symptom of disconnection for the lost part. Some people need it, many don't.
I think the very high cost of psychotherapy deters its overuse quite effectively. Few can drop €150 for an hour of a supportive chat for long.
Yet, few explore the other options either. Many of them are free.
I dont think there is overuse in Finland, but I think that there might be useless use at times. But this isn't what the post was about at all, it was about the need for human connection in a world that is looking to lessen it.
!ENGAGE 40
ENGAGEtokens.Great article there @tarazkp. I agree with you on so many points.
I would love to elaborate, but suffice to say, I've been around the block a few times, have both witnessed and experienced many things in my past 49yrs that pertain to your train of thought and realise that there is the universal positive and negative that we all must learn to deal with in the best possible way and my way is by analysing the negatives to find the positives and turning that nasty energy into motivation to overcome and win- sometimes we need to ask for help in doing that though and then must learn to use the tools that have been taught to us by those counselors and therapists to carry on without the constant help.
Anyway... We're all wired a little differently and so someone's perception of 'nothing' is another person's unintentional implosion and another person's intentional love of drama and semantics, so none of us have the right to judge, but we all have the place to empathise and help if and when we can.
The building of tools is necessary and I wish that we had a culture that was better at encouraging them. The problem that I have with some usage of therapy though is that it can get in the way of building and instead becomes a crutch with an ever decreasing barrier for further usage. I think it can be highly beneficial used well though, as @bigtom13 mentioned in the post comment thread.
I also sometimes wonder if at least sometimes, it is best if we really taste rockbottom before seeking help. I think there is a purity in it that builds a deeper understanding of why we must find a way off the floor. And for sure, we are all different in what we can manage at any given time. It is good to test our resilience often enough though, to make sure it is in working order.
Thank you so much for stopping by with your thoughts :)
I hate to butt in, but.
When I quit drinking I had to hit the absolute floor. I'd been sent to counseling, knew the dangers and problems I faced, but until I was left without options I couldn't change. I don't know that my bottom had any purity in it, but it was damn sure certain effective. 30 years later I still remember that hopelessness...
Is that a cigarette pun? :D
And I think this is why it is good for everyone to experience it - as to survive it proves something to the person that lives on for a lifetime.
Ah, and yeah - I think sometimes therapy gives a cushion or safety net that stops people feeling the cold of bedrock - but they think they know the worst of it.
You can butt in anytime @Bigtom, you know me and that's what we're all here for isn't it- to talk, to learn to share and discuss.
And that's another thing too, you're absolutely right- most people won't/don't want to change until they absolutey have too.
I didn't stop smoking my very tasty rollies until I had my first heart attack at 38...so I think that it's the slap in the face that people need- the big wake up call...tough love some call it...
Yeah you're right, aswell as @Bigtom too.
I know that after mum died a couple of years ago, I went to therapy cause no matter how proactive I was in life and how hard I tried, everything I touched turned to crap.
I'm not going to say that I hated the therapy, but I found it to be absolutely useless and it made me even more angry and frustrated and then thankfully I met a woman who introduced me to another woman who gave me the most simplest exercise to do and I took that one lesson, that one exercise and continued it on myself for a few consecutive days afterwards, then a few times the following week and I can't tell you how much better I feel and how fast I became better after that.
So I know on the surface I looked fine, but inside I knew that I was almost at rock bottom cause I'm, a truly resilient person and knew that if I couldn't get though it myself, then I really did need a helping hand.
I also mentor a small group of mental health consumers (sufferers) in video and just a couple of days ago I was witness to one who had unwittingly clicked on a link and downloaded himself some spyware/ransomware into his phone and was constantly on the verge of a meltdown even though I was helping him fix everything- which is when I said last comment that We're all wired a little differently and so someone's perception of 'nothing' is another person's unintentional implosion and another person's intentional love of drama and semantics- he was the unintentional implosion and I share my apt with a 'normal' intentional drama queen...
Having the right tool in the right hands. I think this is why some therapists don't work for some people, while another does.
We have a lot of different triggers that can set us off and it might seem very slight to some, but be a massive point for another. In some way, it is kind of like phobias - I am scared of heights, but another person can walk a beam on a skyscraper unphased - they might be deathly scared of snakes though :)
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.It seems I kind of coincidence that I decided that I find this while I'm finishing "A Brave New World". Definitely, segmentation of the society isn't a sci-fi idea anymore. I mean, society has always been divided, but as the years have past and new groups form, it seems that were in this factory setting being measured and put together with our peers.
We have all these social movements fighting for particular rights, but it seems too obvious that people forget that their rights end where another's begin. This whole situation has being a catalyst to accelerate the erosion between these social groups and created a segmented society.
Regarding the idea of identity, I have had many jobs because of not feeling comfortable to do things my way. I guess I'm too much of an artist to be doing any other kind of job. Even though, I have never gotten a penny from art. And if I have gotten any money here or on steemit, it has been spent in SP or HP. Also, contrary to what you say here, I can't identify myself in terms of my relationships to other people. I believe this is a kind of social dysfunction. I was raised to do things by my own. Not saying that I'm not a social person, but I tend to isolate myself when I get fed up with people. Of course, this decision has always ended relationships with people that can't bear to have this kind of distant friend that can be addressed from time to time, but won't be showing up frequently.
This certainly gives me a lot for meditation and getting to analyze how far can I keep going I keep myself isolated or following this trend.
I have never read the book, but recently watched the series created from it. They could have done more with the series.
It is also based on identity, which is in constant flux and can be infinitely divided into new lines of contention. The problem is now that no matter what group you are in, people in that group are also simultaneously in conflicting groups with other identity points. Everyone is an enemy on some front.
As was I and I tend not to rely on anyone, but I also recognize my part in the network and that although I might not need, it doesn't mean everyone is like me - so I am still connected, still relative.
Have you ever considered that this is part of yourself reflected in other people - where you acknowledge a part of yourself and isolate in order to either recover or, not inflict unnecessary pain on others.
But, it has also potentially allowed you to connect with people who do accept this part of you and value it still.
As an artist I wonder what you think - Would there be art if there was no social connection - would the proverbial raised on a deserted island with no formative culture of society person - still create art in the caves? Isn't art inherently about sharing stories?
That's a tough question. Most of the things we consider art have been created with the idea of being shown in society because they are a reflection of it. In one way or the other, this necessity of social connection is entwined in the meaning of art.
I think that literal art in caves was made with the idea or history and identity preservation. Also, a person in isolation might as well produce it as a form of expression whether this person knows it is art or not. But I guess the social factor is always implicit. There's the need for other people to be touched by this work in order to be considered art. It is similar to this question of the tree falling down in the forest with no one to hear it fall.
Society is a lot of building blocks we tend to rearrange every once in a while hoping someday we could make something that suits everyone; but inevitably, we know that we will be changing something for eternity.
Maybe, but if alone, what is the point of keeping history or an identity of self for one self? If it is for memory purposes only, is it art?
Nothing stands still, which is why life and art tend to be a feedback loop that directs our change.
Thanks for adding your thoughts!
Maybe not only memory, but keeping sanity. Maybe if an archaeologist finds this thing, it may get classified as art. But who knows?
Yes, I have a phrase for that: "Rome has fallen countless times"
It is always a pleasure to bump into a post like this and share some ideas. Thanks for posting!
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.I don't think overuse of therapy is a problem at least in Finland. Psychotherapy is very expensive. Depending on what the qualifications of the therapist are, I imagine it would cost between €100 and €150 per hour. Intensive psychotherapy involving, say, three hour-long sessions a week and lasting, say, a year could cost up to 523€150 = €23,400. Not many people are willing to cough up that kind of money out of their own pocket without a real need. KELA (the national Social Insurance Institution) does not cover any costs without medical necessity. It's more likely that there are more people who would benefit from psychotherapy than there is money to cover the costs.
There is no culture of having a personal shrink in this country. I don't know if it's a thing even the US. But nothing like the phrase "My shrink says..." exists in common parlance here. I would imagine psychotherapy is even less common in poorer countries. It's bit of a taboo thing here and from what I've heard even moreso in southern Europe.
I think many people in Finland will benefit, but they are rarely the ones who have the opportunity to go. However, many people in Finland would also benefit from an enriched social experience too, which is much cheaper and doesn't require a specialist to organize. I think that a lot of help in life is much more accessible than a psychotherapist, but everyone is hoping for the 7-minute ab workout to health of all kinds.
Nothing wrong with socializing when it is desired.
Finland and every other country this far north has a long history of its people being forced to live in uncomfortably close quarters for months on end during the cold season in incredibly cramped conditions. 150 years ago most children didn't even have shoes of their own. Imagine being forced to sit around in a small cabin with very poor air quality from the smoke from the stove together with a family of 6-12 members for months in a row. The kids couldn't go out to play for too long because you'd have to start amputating toes before long.
I think the appreciation for personal space is deeply ingrained in the culture because of that reason.
Nothing wrong with alcohol when it is desired.
The problem is, desires aren't a very good indicator of whether something is or isn't healthy. Not desiring vegetables doesn't mean they aren't good for you to eat. Cultural conditioning to make social interaction undesirable doesn't mean that it is good to follow the culture. Culture itself causes a lot of problems in this world, so I don't rely on ingrained culture to bring about good outcomes for individuals or societies. If anything, I think people should heavily review their culture and see how much of it is harmful - and then attempt to change behaviors.