About Anxiety in the Blockchain Workplace 😰

The thing about blockchain is that there are basically no limits to it. Blockchain is everywhere, it could be in the software used to make sure your heart medication is not getting diluted over time, and it could be in the credit verification system used at the car dealership you work at.

Blockchain could be used to run a Grand Theft Auto kind of Metaverse situation, yes, but it could also be used for something like managing an inheritance or something as simple, yet as vital, as running the red lights and other traffic signs in your city.

Because blockchain is everywhere and can apply to basically all industries, not just the tech or gaming industries, my job is everywhere too.

I don't just focus on consensus technology for supply chain or gaming, I hire for every industry there is so long as the company has at the very least an intention to employ blockchain tech.

I could be hiring someone for janitorial services just the same as I could be hiring a lobbyist that will basically live on a plane. And it doesn't matter where they are from, I'm not even limited to a single country (or language) in these recruiting activities.

Considering this, that I work remotely and I could be working anywhere at any time...the whole thing can get a little overwhelming every now and then, especially because the crypto space as-is generally moves very fast.

Right now I'm struggling to meet a deadline due to what I perceive as a lack of support. It's very unsettling to work so much towards a goal and fear your work coming apart over something you might not be able to control.

But if you can control it, will you not try if nothing else in an attempt to get rid of this unsettling feeling?

I suppose some people work better with some degree of pressure, but I personally don't like the feeling of anxiety, I work best when relaxed, unafraid.

How do I find the space to disconnect when my work is in all spaces and when my work is mostly about connectivity?

A lot of people won't share things like this, their preoccupations, or anything that would suggest vulnerabilities when we're talking about their careers. I don't care if someone might look down on me or be critical because of what I share online, I know there's at least one person who will relate to my struggle and might even be able to help me.

But if you do care for what others think or your job requires you to maintain a certain public image, then at least find someone discreet who can listen to you vent for the sake of getting it out.

I still don't know how I will manage a professional balance I'm comfortable with. Maybe I should take one day a week like Jewish people do, always and without exception, just go offline one day a week. But even offline I'm working, strategizing, alert to work opportunities...how do people just shut it off?

At this point the only time I'm not working is when I'm completely asleep or when I'm having sex...and even those things I do mostly so that I can work more efficiently, haha.

At 30 years old, this was a few months ago, I finally spoke to a mental health professional about myself. I grew up in a family of psychologists and accountants, it's hard to let someone lead self-discovery for me because of how I was raised. But I gave into it because I felt like my functionality was starting to suffer noticeably.

The psychologist had nothing new to say, I knew he wouldn't, that's why I didn't want to pay anyone. But I am glad I did pay because although he didn't say anything new, he did say exactly what he was supposed to say when he was supposed to say it, which made me understand he had listened, and that wasn't completely worthless to me at the time.

The dude actually recommended that if I ever feel like anxiety is getting the best of me and he's not available I can call one of those free support lines. I told him there was no way in hell I was unloading on an innocent volunteer and then proceeded to tell him I don't really care how what I tell him affects him because I'm paying him for that.

Did I need to tell the dude that I don't care about his feelings because I'm paying him? Probably not. Did it feel good? Ohhh yes it did...

Why did this feel good? I guess because I sometimes have to pretend that I care more than I actually do.

Of course, I care dearly about blockchain. Why? I equate blockchain to freedom of speech.

Of course, I care dearly about people doing better and finding their happiness because that means that they won't be in as much pain, and as a result, they likely won't cause as much pain to others and we'll live in a more peaceful world.

But I give two shits about whether you want a mansion in Aspen or Miami, yet I still have to ask follow-up questions and pretend as if I care so you'd give me a clue as to whether what you're really after is snow or sunshine. Or if what you're really telling me is that you'd prefer Aspen because it's more quiet and private and you appreciate those things. Or if you want a mansion close to other cool mansions regardless of location and just want to let me know you have this ambition. Or maybe you just want a mansion and think you can find the best one in those places, and you just want a mansion because you didn't have a pot to piss in growing up.

It's a tough job to deal with people in any setting, but when you're helping them decide on their future and most of them can have whatever they want...

Part of me, when I face instances in which I feel like I have to be a career cheerleader for a grown adult, feels like making them see how ridiculous the situation is so they can understand that what they're encouraging me to do is inefficient...but then part of me wonders if I'm looking at a situation similar to that of the psychologist whose job is emotionally taxing, repetitive and full of uncertainty, yet can be a foundational stone to a healthier life and more beneficial choices.

Anxiety is not in expectations but in our attachment to specific results. I would love to be able to meet that deadline but I can't do it without support. I will continue to think and work towards it until then...and it might be wasted time after all...but only in relation to what I expected the results were going to be in the first place.

I can only hope one day I can experience the DMV like a regular person instead of using it as a blockchain networking event, lol.

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