It Puts the VR Headset On or It Gets the Hose Again!

It's no secret that Mark Zuckerberg, CEO of Meta, is a lizard overlord. When you work for a lizard overlord, work can get interesting...

Metaverse Hell

I know, it's a few days past April fool's day but... I read some of the funniest articles and saw some of the most ridiculous products created for the occasion. What I also saw was a lot of satire news articles and shit. This one I read about Mark Zuckerberg really got me though, and it's been stuck in my head since I read it. I've often wondered how good or bad working for a company like Meta is.

Picture this - the Zucc walking up and down aisles of employees slaving away on computers in tiny cubicles. His lizard tongue flailing about in the air trying to get a taste of fear so he knows who to experiment on. He looks left and right tasting the air for slacking employees... Then he stops. He walks up behind the employee and his lizard tongue tickles the employee's ear.

He whispers something in the employee's ear and the employee stands, trembling with fear. He knows he's being taken to the metaverse because he didn't steal enough customer data today... He walks in shame knowing what is coming. The Zucc takes him to a dark room and straps him into a chair with a Meta Quest 2 headset.

The employee is logged into whatever hell of a metaverse that they've created and is forced to stay there for 6 days and 6 nights. Rumor has it that they're forced to experience all of Mark Zuckerberg's press conferences on repeat at 1/16th speed. Other employees that have returned from the punishment reported tasting Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ sauce and hearing all kinds of crazy sounds. They are only given virtual foods and drinks, and are only allowed to use the restroom in VR.

These poor souls are broken down to their cores and never return the same. IF they ever return. It's been reported that 69 of them never returned. Not only are they forced to live in Meta's virtual world for days on end, but they have to keep working. This is the real experiment.

If subjected to torture, would people conduct work meetings in a shitty virtual world that makes you social distance? Would these meetings be more or less impactful? Would people still show up to meetings late in VR? All these questions are being answered by underperforming employees being tortured.

Legend has it that some employees are forced to stay in metaverse hell until they forget about having legs. They forget what the real world looks like and are horrified when the headset is removed. Some have been in there so long that the headset became a part of their body. It's truly disgusting. An anonymous source also leaked pictures from inside the lab where the experiments are conducted. If you choose to click the link, please be aware that it is very graphic and disturbing. Click HERE to get a peak inside the hell that is Meta.

Ok, I'll stop. I know this post was way out there, but I hope it at least made you smile. The goal was to make you laugh. We need to take things less seriously sometimes and just relax a little bit, ya know?

Thanks for reading! Much love.

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