With this Bayelsa name thing trending on Twitter its made me hide a bit, My name is Ebingo Kigigha. But that's not the problem...my name is Lovet.
I mean it's not Photocopier or Document or Education or Goodhead, but it gets there once people find out my sex. All of a sudden they forget that I share a first name with a rottweiler.
I always fuck up and think Nigeria would have progressed past names and shit. Then I'll fuck up and put Ebingo on my Wardcoat now even patients on their deathbed make fun of my name just to get a good laugh before they go...In my mind, I'm like your life can't be that better than mine right now. The truth is I can't say for sure, what if my name was just John...
Anytime people are amused by that I think about what they would think when they find out my name is Lovet, then I begin to sweat. I'd probably kill an ICU patient with my own bare hands if they started laughing at my middle name. I'd be squeezing their neck as I scream "it's my father's name!!!!"
I always feel like people who have made fun of my first name are not very creative. There is this one kid when I was a kid who spent time cooking up something funnier than Bingo.
He said "A Big Goat".
Jesus, I might have been like 7, so I cried about it...but. It always stuck with me and I'd go around with me like this is the benchmark...if Bingo gets to me then A Big Goat would leave me devastated.
One time in Year one some other medical students were making fun of my name...Bingo and shit. In my mind, I was like they don't even know I'm A Big GOAT!! Lol no, back then Greatest of All TImes hadn't started trending...so it was the good old grass-eating goat that was on my mind.
Then my big fat mouth went ahead and told them my benchmark of things that would get to me because Bingo was actually getting to me and I wanted them to stop.
Have you ever been called a dog so much that you wanted people to call you a goat just so you feel better? No? Well, I have...
I made them promise they wouldn't call me my benchmark...they had to come up with something more creative than that. That was my mistake.
Of course, the girls would never do it again so I wouldn't make fun of their bodies...good deal if you asked me. Once you make fun of most girl's bodies it's always above their benchmark.
So you don't want me to objectify you but I can't even make a joke directed at the said nonobject...It's like if I objectified you with my statements and you're not an object why are you mad at that...can't you tell I'm just trying to have fun and my kind has loved you from the beginning of time?
Adam must have been chilling with some monkey making fun of Eve's titties while she was out there eating the fruit that gave us suffering as it is...think about that...
Most girls won't even want a eutopia where they would be naked cause we'd be making fun of their titties.
But then again it might just be below the benchmark so once I meet a girl I already have those offensive jokes...but I'm putting the work to come up with the really good one that she'll laugh at too or be so offended that she'll block me.
But that's how I met Bhosa, when I made all those girls and bitch ass niggers promise not to make fun of me with "A Big GOAT", He said no, no...fuck what you came here with...A Big Goat.
Then I took note of this annoying short guy who didn't even care that he was short or at least wouldn't show it. That my friends, is a rich character.
But it did get me pissed first...I hated this stupid boy. But the truth will hurt you first before it sets you free.
Why were my short jokes not getting to him?
I hit him with short-circuit, shortlist, short up...etc...non worked.
Making fun of him, I got to see this nigger's drive for money. Yoo, you could be named Tosuckadick and be short with a few congenital disorders here and there and if you're hustling not to die broke...you wouldn't even give a shit.
Plus women will pick up and that and be like ...mehn, I really love Tosuckadick.
So yeah I went after Bhosa because of his money. That my friends is something most girls can't say. Well, I guess it is because people will think they are out there sucking dick, and some will while trying to learn more about money.
What I've learned from Bhosa is that it takes sacrifice to make money...always has always will. Sometimes it will be your mom, or your dad but never anyone who has any chronic disease...Anambra people know what I'm talking about. Wink Wink.
I mean, some things won't be on your budget until maybe...just maybe later. For me, it's flashy clothes or things.
It's why I like plain shirts...I might buy a vintage designer tie...but I like cheap plane no design shirts...I don't want my tailor saying it will cost me an extra #500 because of the line he put here or there...Nah Take that shit off or I'll do it.
But Also, my poison is food...I keep the money for food so that if an apocalypse happens I withdraw that hit and actually eat the money...now I've been eyeing new #200 notes since I was born...I can't wait