After death will we part?
If I was to pass tomorrow, my daughter will never have really known me - her memories will have faded and what might be clear to her today, will slowly disappear. Losing a parent young is not unusual and it can happen in many ways, but children grow to become adults and inevitably, questions are raised. The "where did I come from" curiosity goes past the physical and starts to try and make sense of their world and the challenges they might face, tries to find an explanation for why they think or feel a certain way, or why they can or can't do particular things. acknowledge it or not, we are all attached to the past - even if only by our genetics.
I was reminded today of some old posts of mine where I talked about my daughter, as I do in many. One of these is specifically for her, The Endless Conversation, and the conversation continues and will continue til the day I die. For me, one of the usecases of Hive is for my thoughts to be remembered, slices of my experiences committed to the blockchain so that if the inevitable comes early, there is a chance that some of the questions my daughter might have, have a chance to be answered.
Who was my father, what was he like, am I like him?
My wife and family will try to answer, but they will not be able to represent me as I would myself, they will carry in their love for her and protect her, or choose the moments of life that were important to them to illustrate some aspect of who I am. Will this help her come to terms with her challenges, or harm her? Knowing where we are from tends to clarify aspects of our life that might be hard to discover otherwise - little idiosyncrasies or perhaps, an entire thought pattern could be influenced by our past - explaining them can both protect us and bring confidence, help us align and accept ourselves and perhaps, empower us to be better, to improve upon the shortcomings of our parents. I have a lot of those.
She will be able to trawl the posts for years, be able to spend time making a note here, seeing if some of the events match up with her memory, but most importantly - discover the lost moments that she can ask the living about. My daughter and wife would be able to spend time discussing topics with me in the room through my words - like a personalized bookclub.
It is strange to think about perhaps, strange to think about how those we love might talk about us when we are gone, but I feel that at the very least, I will have a voice in the future to represent me, to give a version of myself that is unique to me. I think that I have been consistent to who I am, I have illustrated my ups and downs, I have been as honest s I can from my own perspective.
The world of information and continuity is changing. Who we are in the world after we die is no longer tied to people's memories of us, potentially people who never really knew us - there is supporting material. Social media has encouraged us to share our world and it is recording it all and while not immutable like a blockchain can be, it is there for the world to see past when we die.
What is interesting perhaps is that we are also encouraged to curate our lives to promote a version of ourselves that are potentially false views, fairy tales and aspirations, highlight moments and feigned lows. Our desire for the attention of strangers warps our presentation to maximize attraction, not truth. I find the personal branding tedious, the multiple accounts across multiple platforms looking to increase engagement tiring - so I am just me, wherever "me" is.
I do not want my daughter to have a false view of me, I do not want to aspire to an unrealistic view of her parents, or blame her life on their inabilities to do more - I want her to have a sense of reality and be able to connect what was presented to the real world, to see the links and understand why at that time, it was the best we as parents could do and of course, know beyond a shadow of a doubt that no matter what we did or what the outcomes were, I always held her close in my thoughts, always loved her.
I don't want her to proud or thankful for me. I don't mind if she blames me - but I hope that she will learn to recognize and understand that while I am an integral part of her past and some aspects of her present will always be influenced by me, she is not me, she is her.
People look to their pasts to find solace or discover themselves and perhaps this is an important process for some to learn, that they have agency, that they are not tied to a fate because of their parent, that there are other ways. The patterns of thinking that she and I might share, need not be used to think about the same things - the weaknesses we share that I never recognized in myself, can become points of strength for her, if she chooses to use them well, to empower her rather than as a crutch to lean on as an excuse.
I can only speak for myself and I can only be proud of the things I have accomplished as me, not something I was born with or attributed with because of some arbitrary reason. I am proud of my writing, not because of the quality or the topic, but because there is me in the words, be it a post such as this, a fiction piece or an article about economics or education - it is representative of who I am and it crosses many topics that given the chance, I would want to discuss with my daughter, to explore together and see where our minds converge and separate.
I can't guarantee that I will ever have the chance to sit with her and talk about the things that are important to me, the things that affect me and spike my emotions - I can't promise her that I will always be there for her, that I can always protect her. But, perhaps through all of these words she will know that despite me no longer being able to add more to the discussion, I become a prompt, and the endless conversation continues on through her.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
A beautiful post that you will surely appreciate at the right time. Those of us who have had the joy of growing up with our parents know how important they are to the realization of our lives, perhaps not decisive, but important. And those of us who have lost them, like you, I also lost my father, we know that this emptiness is irreplaceable. There will be your letters, your videos, your clothes in a closed, but that hug, that smell, that laugh will be missing. It is good that you worry about what your daughter will know about you when you are gone, but you better dedicate yourself to filling every moment of the present with life. Not only for her, but for you. Inspiring text, @tarakzp
There is all of that stuff that never really mattered until it becomes all that is left.
I think that part of doing what is right for her is doing what is right for me - self-actualization or something like that. I don't think I can influence her much, but who knows, maybe it will be in a way that helps.
!ENGAGE 15
ENGAGEtokens.Nice words, again.
It is a strange and uncomfortable topic for many, I guess. That's why we never like to talk about separation and non-existence. It is absolutely fascinating to be able to record and log your value, thinking, and life principles and save it for years to come. I was always fascinated by the story/history of civilizations and cultural evolution. I wonder how amazing it would be to read an emotional log from someone as common as us back from the past. That would have enabled us to look at history from a different point of view. It would have given us a small window of our lives outside of those palaces and kings.
This is deep. Yes, we want attention. And, we will modify, add or not divulge all the details based on what others want to hear from you. Truth does not matter when you want to maximize attraction and attention. I think I do that even on hive but less so. Here, I do not care that much coz I know I am not scaling heights.
This is what the post was originally going to look at. For the first time in our history, history is being written by the majority.
What I have found is that at least long-term, it is apparently hard for people to maintain whatever facade they have ascribed themselves - over the 4 years - I have seen all of the fakes crack. Part of the reason a lot of people find it hard to maintain consistency, is that they are trying to impress the audience and do not have enough experience to build content with, or imagination.
Yeah. You can fake your personal only to a certain extent and for certain time. On the long run, there is no way you can maintain that. I tell you, it is tempting to go with the flow and write that garners audience and attention. But, it is tiring and unsustainable. Eventually you have to give up if you are not a natural content creator or if you are writing that is not natural to you.
!ENGAGE 15
ENGAGEtokens.I like that you are doing this and maybe even more, that you are CONTINUING to do this. I hope she can ask you questions when she is 60 but am enough of a realist to know that isn't necessarily always the case.
I wasn't orphaned until I was 65 years old, and I appreciate that greatly. But even more, I have discovered some biological things this year that just amaze me. Some from nurture, some from nature is the mix we get.
I really like the idea of endless conversation even if you don't leave early. That she can speak to you of questions she has about 'back then'. A big win.
Unless there are some miracles in medicine in some specific areas, I hope she will be an adult.
We are writing our own histories now and perhaps for the first time in history, it won't be the victors or the bureaucrats recoding the marks of the world.
!ENGAGE 15
ENGAGEtokens.Very interesting. I lost my father and even though I was old enoguh to remember him I wish he had left more (and he left a lot of songs and poetry and anecdotes). Maybe more of his thoguhts and ideas, images and videos. My sons were too young to remember him, I regret that. It is great that platforms like hive exist to preserve what we do.
Your possition is very realistic and it gives me an idea about how to use this more productively, thinking about my sons and other relatives who can see more of me in what I post here.
Ther are values that people don't seem to care about as they are not tied directly to a monetary reward. I think a lot of the goodness in the world is lost because it doesn't get paid. Our thoughts are on such item.
!ENGAGE 15
ENGAGEtokens.I think another aspect of your posting method is that she will also get to see the growth, the change in attitudes, in ideas, in how thoughts are followed. She will see that people, regardless of age continue to grow and learn.
https://twitter.com/tarazkp1/status/1311407365678391299
I think that most children, once they reach adulthood and understand things, want to have meaningful conversations with their parents. To ask them about things and receive a well thought answer. I think that we expect honesty and to be treated like adults. I hope that you and smallsteps will have this opportunity in the future. She will change, you will change. And that is the whole charm of it all. We are never the same but yet we want to know why, when, how, if. Those kind of deep conversations are in the end what brings us closer despite being generations apart
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.