VIRTUAL PREGNANCY

Growing up as a boy - I am still a male child anyway - 😒, most of us were neglected in the path of home training. The females had them all in their pockets. In fact, not even an inch for the other gender. I repeat nothing!

One major aspect we got the brunt was on sex education. The males actually got no education and, for what it is worth, we left that peacefully for the females. You know, guys are peaceful beings😎. But what did we gain? Backlashed again. The girls were told never to play with boys and not allow anybody to see their “nakedness”.

Don’t mind me, “nudity” was never a word then.

Who did you think constituted 95% of that “anybody”? – The boys of course. I hoped being a boy was not a disadvantage like this. 😫

A time came when a girl came to live with my family and yes, she came from the village. I must confess, even as a young one she was beautiful. No, don’t look at me that way 😒- I have eyes! She was obviously a bit older than me. And I bet all the things I have mentioned above were already inculcated into her, well, to an extra degree. A higher one indeed.

I actually thought she was at our place of her own free will, it was after some weeks that I got out to know she actually ran from home. And word caught my attention - Pregnancy. How did I know? I eavedropped. Or were you expecting me to say CNN?

My parents questioned her as to why she ran from home and she said she was pregnant. And her father could kill her. Hence, the marathon away from home. Trust me, as Nigerian my parents thoroughly rebuked her by word of mouth but agreed to let her stay till she gave birth.

What Is Happening?

Some weeks later, my mother was heard questioning her about her pregnancy whether the lady was okay, and all that. She was looking okay to me but the stomach, so I thought, was not even protruding. Well, maybe only when she finishes a huge bowl of pounded yam and egusi 🚶‍♀. But after some hours and maybe some escapades in the toilet, it goes down again. Like a heartbeat, that is. I had to make some invisible nose masks with my hand then to avoid letting those smells into my nasal cavity.

As a curious mother my mum was, she took her to see our family doctor to at least do some necessary things that I heard were referred to as antenatal. By evening, I was back from school and my parents were visibly angry. Like someone had made a fool of them. They were telling the girl something and flashing a piece of paper before her. It turned out that the girl in question, as certified by the doctor, was not and never pregnant! How? I thought and so do you, I believe! But she kept saying, ”I am pregnant” repeatedly, crying profusely. Everyone was confused. I must confess, even though at that age I knew nothing as to what was going on but I just had to appear confused likewise 😂. And I did not disappoint. 😎

Let's Flashback

What was left now was to use their wisdom to settle something which felt amiss So they told the girl to narrate her so-called pregnancy ordeal. She began by saying she went to fetch water and had her bath at the stream. According to her, there was actually a side where women and girls do the usuals so she was at the correct place. But at that time, there were only a handful of females there. Hardly had she begun to bathe when she spotted a naughty boy atop a tree some meters away spying on the unsuspicious girl. And then she said she shouted, ”Oh, I am pregnant” and ran home - ran home to tell her parents that she was pregnant. That was how she got to our home.

🚶‍♀ 🚶‍♀

My parents laughed uncontrollably, and as a smart guy, I joined in the laughter even though I understood nothing😂. The girl was a bit embarrassed. Then they asked her whether the boy touched her. No, she said. Did he do anything to you? No. When last did you see your period? Last week. But I am pregnant, she said. Again, my mother said, “so the only thing he did was that he saw your nakedness?” Yes, she replied. Another burst of laughter ensued. The girl then said that her mother always warned her that no boy must see her nakedness, if not, she would become pregnant. I guess she interpreted it as pregnancy is so magnetic that somebody seeing you unclad makes it get attracted to you.

Well, as you now know. She was never pregnant. I am sure her parent did not even wait for her to narrate the whole scenario at the stream that led to the virtual pregnancy.

_{The image above was edited with Canva by me and the two constituent images' sources are this and that.}