Working Like the System Conditioned Me to be

This isn’t a trivia post like the usual. Just sharing what I’m up to on the field of Pathology. I’ve been working on a case report featuring a rare case. It’s about a B-cell lymphoblastic lymphoma of the breast found in an adult female. I can’t tell some specifics of the case here as I may just end up giving leads to who I am.

What makes this case rare is it presenting in an adult, and not in a male, not a T-cell lymphoblastic lymphoma, and found in the breast. Now if you want to have a rough idea on how rare that is, think of using those characteristic as a filter. There are around 0.4-0.5% breast malignancies that are composed of lymphoma, and 10% of the time it’s a B-cell, and occurring usually in the pediatric population and male. You can see where I’m going with this? It’s like having a few more 0 past the decimal point for this case to be encountered and that’s why it’s a big deal for my consultants.

They wanted me to finish the report for a contest to which I tried but just can’t make the cut compiling the data given how rare this one is reported in literature. This made me have several backlogs on my cases for sign out which also compromised delays in reporting.

I ended up saying the things that I didn’t think I was capable of saying months back. A consultant made a remark about my slowed turn around time (same person that pressured me to deliver the report quickly) and I replied, it’s ok most of the cases are charity/service cases.

Now a little bit of context on what charity/service cases mean, these are people that can’t afford a private physician and often indigent. Pay cases often get prioritized because the consultants get some degree of special treatment in releasing results fast. It’s not always the case but it happens often that “priority” cases get processed faster than others. How does this really bother me? Well if I wanted to treat everyone the same I wouldn’t be saying those remarks.

And a little bit of reflection and moments of clarity, I realized my mistake seconds after I spoke them unwittingly. Months into the system made me insensitive to how I viewed my workflow. It’s true that we don’t have to give special treatments to the cases and most of the time we really don’t. But it’s also uncommon to have people bugging you for faster results no matter how complicated the cases are. And often the ones that are getting the short end of the stick are people who can’t afford even when they need those results just as fast as everyone else.

I do try my best to deliver but I’m shitty inexperienced and this is a recurrent source of frustration. I wish I had a background on being a medical laboratory tech or related field, it makes work a lot more convenient but I don’t. Nothing a little more studying wouldn’t fix. I’ll reflect on what I said about “It’s ok these are just service cases.” Hearing myself say this stings in the gut like realizing how you turned into a hypocrite without you knowing it. I wasn’t thinking straight when I said it, but in hindsight I may have meant it at the subconscious level if I blurted it out. End of rant.

Setting my sights on buying a microscope for next year with an attached digital camera. It’s not that I have an absolute need for it but it’s like a long term symbolic commitment to stick to the career. I’ve been contemplating on whether I should just quit my job and take a risk at freelance writing or digital illustration (I know I haven’t been practicing on this department but it’s an option I’m seriously considering). I have a well-paying job and security, relatively convenient schedule, and not so bad working environment with peers.

But I still find myself often dreading to go to work which just says a lot.

If you made it this far reading, thank you for your time.

Posted with STEMGeeks