Death is one of the topics that most people find hard to talk about. Either you are the one consoling a friend who lost someone, or you yourself just lost somebody. It is not an easy conversation. Especially for the introverts. We grieve differently. As for me, I find comfort in the thought that death is not the final state for living beings.
Humans or living things in general are complex systems bound by the laws of the universe. The law of thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created nor destroyed, it is just transformed. In death, we just transition into another form of system. Something less organized, it might be very different from our previous form, but still existing at the same plane along with everything else.
Watercolor painting I made of a yellow bell, and 'Heartbeat', August 2020
Last Wednesday, my wife and I woke up to a sad news that their 12 year old dog passed away at her parent's house. Heartbeat or Lablab as we called her, passed peacefully in her sleep. The last time we saw her was when we had our lunch there last month. She was already very frail and seemed to eat less frequently. Although the idea of her crossing the rainbow bridge was already discussed by the family, we still weren't prepared for it.
Heartbeat, December 2016
She was the sweetest and most gentle pup in Minglanilla since 2009. She was given as a gift by my wife's college friend. Though I only met her and her daughter Hershey in 2013, they immediately welcomed me like family. Every time I went there for a visit, she would be wagging her tail and lie upside down asking for a belly rub, and I love giving it to her. When my wife and I found our own place, visits were less frequent and with the pandemic it became rare. It was then that every visit we noticed major changes in her body. Her fur became faded and her body became thinner. She was also not as energetic as she used to be, but still as sweet as when I met her. If I only knew that would be the last head pat I have given her, I would've let her lie down on my lap.
Hershey, and Heartbeat at the back, December 2016
Honestly, I used to be terrified of dogs when I was younger. So afraid that every time I walk on the streets and see a dog from a distance, I would cross over to the other side just so that I won't be having an encounter. It all changed when I met Heartbeat and Hershey. I also took care of one, named RC Dawg, when my sister received it as a gift from her suitor. Since then, I've always had a soft spot for canine friends.
Heartbeat, December 2016
No matter how prepared you think that you are for that moment, it will still break your heart. Well, her physical body may be gone but she still occupies a space in our minds and massively in our hearts, because she matters.
For now, she is a part of the cool air that embraces me after a rainy night on my bike ride home. In the smell of newly made up bed with fresh sheets. I see her in the cumulus clouds floating above, so big and fluffy. She's in the sound of loud motorcycle exhausts that passes by, because I remember how much that annoys her. By writing this I am hoping that I am not commemorating her in bad taste.
Photo reference of my watercolor painting above, June 2017
Now, I see her in every smile from every dog I see on the streets. Heartbeat, who was once a present, is now omnipresent.
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See you on my next post!