How Jesus Saved My Life (Written by Irreligious Me)

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It's funny how humans just fall into autopilot sometimes, most great speakers/writers from Malcolm Gladwell to hundreds of others I've listened to always use this same example to explain it, they always say:

Have you ever been driving home and when you get home you don't remember all the things that happened while you were on the road? You don't remember all the brakes, all the pedaling and all the steering manipulations you did on the road, you start wondering how you overcame all it took to drive home, it all seems like you did all those things subconsciously? That was because your conscious mind took a brake and your subconscious took over.

Many of you might know this example. It's really interesting how the human mind works in this way, sometimes due to the fact that we've done something so many times we are able to do it without thinking, things like driving home, walking home, repairs, chores, etc. While doing them we can fall deep in thoughts thinking about other things while our hands and legs keep doing the activity.

It was this same thing that happened to me just the other day, one night I was walking to my favorite bar and to get there I had to cross the road. The road I had to cross was a double-laned road, I crossed the lane that had vehicles coming from my left and got to the lane that had vehicles coming from my right. I had forgotten (because my subconscious was in charge while I was deep in thoughts thinking about ass and titties most likely, I don't remember.) that the road was undergoing repairs and all vehicles now had to take one lane - the lane that used to only be for vehicles coming from my right.

When I got to the lane that was supposed to be for vehicles coming from my right I looked right, waited for the only vehicle coming to go past me. Immediately it went past me I put my leg forward to start walking across because that's how I've always done it, my subconscious never expected another vehicle to come from the left on that lane, but alas due to the repairs one vehicle was coming at me from the left with full speed!

I would have been knocked clean out of the floor but someone in the oncoming car screamed:

Jesus!!!

"Jesus" is a normal scream in the southern part of Nigeria where I live, most of the people are christians so their first choice of word when in panic is Jesus and that was how I was saved. Immediately I heard the shout I got my consciousness back and looked left in that millisecond, saw the oncoming car and reacted by going backwards out of the way immediately!

As the car sped past me a male voice from the car shouted at me:

"Thank your god!" It said.

And this is the point where I'm supposed to thank God and Jesus for saving me. At least according to my religious folks. I told this story to my religious friends and they all told me it was Jesus who saved me, that the person who shouted it summoned Jesus and Jesus did his thing real quick and disappeared without anyone seeing him. The most gangsta move there ever was.

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And this is one reason I have to make this post. This is how people get their proofs of the existence of supernatural powers and characters like Jesus. An event that can be perfectly explained naturally takes place and everyone links it to something supernatural unnecessarily and out of faulty logic.

I was crossing the road and didn't look left because that lane was only for vehicles coming from the right. Some repairs on the road up front was the only reason why a car was coming from the left this time. All I needed was a reminder to look left and a loud shout was the perfect one. It doesn't matter what word the person shouted. The person could have shouted:


Pussy!!!

Or

Ass and Titties!!!


And it would have been enough to save me. Now I wish ass and titties were shouted because then it would have been easy to "thank my ass and titties" (my girl) but then I would have been in another dilemma because I have many girls 🤦🏾‍♂️. I was also too shook to scream back "which of them?" to the person who said the bit about thanking. Life is really hard, ladies and gentlemen.

At the end of the day, though, the person I owe my thanks to is that person who screamed, because if not for that scream I'll probably not be typing this by now or maybe I would have been typing it with some amputations or missing limbs/other body parts and the content of what I'm typing would have been different since things would have gone differently.

But I'm a lucky fool. Like most of us I also talk crap about people who lose their cool and scream out in panic easily, but that was what saved me. I can't find the person to thanks them but from now on I'll never talk nonsense about people who scream out in panic easily, it is a perfectly human behaviour, but they better not scream out when I'm hiding with them from some terrorists or enemy soldiers during war or something. Yo, I hope that's not how my life ends 😬 🤭, because life is too into this give and take bullshit, panic have given and it might take in future.

Yo, life is hard, ladies and gentledudes.





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Roll with @nevies, I run a Humor, deeper thoughts and sex talk blog here on Hive🌚
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Hahaha well perhaps Jesus saved you and perhaps ass and titties could save you next time. I believe these words have as much power as we give them. I’m glad to see some non-religious people from there though, just cause variety is the spice of life and I know how big religion is in Nigeria. 😃

I will pray to ass and titties tonight

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well perhaps Jesus saved you and perhaps ass and titties could save you next time.

Hahahaha. Amen to that, man. Although I know ass and titties has saved me a lot of times and unlike Jesus I'm usually sure it was there when it was there😂.

I completely agree that these words have as much power (placebo) as we give them usually.

You're right, religion is so big in Nigeria it is sickening! But well, every nation has their own madness of choice.

Yeah, pray, accept ass and titties as your lords and personal saviours. I'll be connecting to the booty frequency tonight too. Shalom.

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