Are you who you want to be? Did you dream of being something else, or settle down into a life that just took you along...? This was the question asked by the ladies of Hive, here is my answer to this and the other question asked in this challenge.
Life is about peace, hope, love, beauty and courage this is how I see life. I admit that there are unexpected setbacks, failures and road blocks in life which are just short pit stops in the journey. This doesn’t however detract from the destination itself which is breathtakingly beautiful and worth fighting for.
We have just one life to live to approach it as something beautiful and precious could help us appreciate and enjoy the view as we journey through life.
True, we all have dreams and aspirations, but the truth is not all dreams come true. It is important to take what you've got and make the best of your life. Instead of waiting for the life you dreamed of make the life you have dreamlike is how I see it.
Please take a seat and buckle up your seatbelt as I take you through this path I have traveled in life.
An ordinary start
My Earthly journey started in big family, being the last child, perhaps an accident and being the only girl among five boys, I was left to my own devices most of the time. Both my parents worked hard to put food on the table. We were well off than most others around us and our parents brought us up instilling in us good values and faith.
We were always expected to stand up for our values and live by the high moral standard set by our parents. Both mom and dad led by example.
A foretaste of Sorrow
I was the apple of dad’s eye, his little girl. He always had time for me, he always made sure that I was okay. Then cancer took dad away when I was twelve and just beginning to understand life. This blow was so severe that I was lost in a world of confusion and pain that no one even understood. I lost interest in everything. My dream of becoming a doctor was buried in his coffin, as our financial status was very shaky from then on.
There was nothing fun or worthwhile in that part of my life, but it taught me some important lessons for life. In college I did fairly well but nothing of import, until one professor came into my life and instilled a sense of self-worth and pride in me. She helped me see what I could be. Thence started the quest to become the best version of myself.
The Pain of Rejection
Falling in love for the first time came with another painful lesson. The young man who traveled 400 km every weekend just to be with me ditched me for a rich girl after a year of courting.
I was miserable at first but the fighter in me began to focus on education and I went on to win many accolades. Every job I applied for came my way, every interview I attended was a success, but there was no joy in life.
In God’s Land of Grace
My journey took me into the land of Grace. Here, for the first time I understood who God is, my relationship with God grew steadily.
My second job was far from home in another city, I rented a big house and lived there by myself. That is where I met my husband to be. We were colleagues and friends at first but our journey became one.
Love or Faith?
I was back in the realm of choices and decisions when my then friend proposed to me. I had to make the decision of my life. He was not a Christian and that meant that I had to make the greatest choice of my life. While I stood by faith, I knew asking him to change his faith meant that I might lose him and yet I did. He took his time to answer but he decided it was love for him.
I was the happiest woman on the earth, but his family renounced him for giving up his faith. Grace continued to work in our lives and our two boys made our family complete. This beautiful life we had and continue to have was and will always remain the best part of my journey.
The pain of loss
After my first son, I had two more pregnancies, both ended in miscarriage I was devastated. I had named my babies when they were just a few days in the womb. Yes, I knew they were there even in the early days before pregnancy test could prove their existence. I sang for them and talked to them all day long, but I never ever saw them.
The pain of loss once again seemed to engulf me in unhappiness, by now I had learned to fight everything in life. I understood that I am a warrior, who lives by faith and hope, my identity became clearer to me.
At the Cross roads once again - Family or Career?
I was at the peak of my career when my older son who was just four years old started to have nightmares and somniloquy (sleep talk) where he would mutter things that seemed rather weird.
Working as a HR manger reporting to my office in the US made my work/time schedules crazy, I had to bend backwards to make time for my family, especially my son. I knew I had to make a major decision once again -. family or career. I asked myself some pertinent questions – why are you working? What are you trying to prove? Is money or social position everything? The answers were easy and the decision was simple. I chose to be a mom.
I reached desert land and I was scorned by my colleagues who thought I was a fool. Everyone around me questioned my decision making me doubt myself. However, doubts belong to those who don’t know their mind or purpose in life. My purpose was (at that point in time) to see my son become a beautiful human being, useful to the society. I walked past the scorn and the shame; head held high.
During this time at home I developed a number of hobbies a few of which are writing, gardening and photography. I figured out they bring so much more peace and happiness and peace than money could ever bring.
Sickness and Pain
Struck by something strange I realized one morning that I could not walk. I was in bed for almost a year after that, trying to care for my 6 month old son and a young family in that state. The doctors told me I need to live with pain and perhaps may not be able to walk again. I took my crutch of faith and strength from the Scriptures and fought back every inch of the way for my life again. Today, I walk, I run I do more work than normal people my age do.
Faith, courage and peace
I have reached peacedom now. I live a life of contentment and peace; nothing really worries me. I am my own master, guide, friend and philosopher.
I live a simple life doing all I can for my family and my community. I work with my husband as a team to pay it forward mentoring some under privileged youth and orphans.
I've figured out through all this that life isn't about your dreams, if I had become a doctor as I had dreamed of I may not have met my husband or lived life to the fullest. It may have been difficult to make some of the choices I have made now.
Life has been good albeit with troubles, but its those troubles that taught me how to live life and come out a victor. I am who I have always wanted to be and I wouldn't like to really change a thing about my life.
Life is all about how we live it despite the circumstances. I have decided to answer the second question posed for this challenge as well. I have steered myself from start to this moment. Have I improved? I guess everyday is a day for improvement and I have taught myself many things. Yes, by my standards I have improved in all spheres of life and will continue to do so until there is breath in my body. Working on myself is something I enjoy doing.