Challenge #02952-H029: Guaranteed For a Lifetime



I know this one's hella old, but I was wondering, as he gets older, has a girlfriend, maybe kids, do they end up working for Madam? Does he teach his kids computer equipment and have them to go college so that they can work for her and be her IT team? Or does he actually suggest hiring an IT team, working with her carefully, of course, so that she can stay up to date? Or, does she end up turning him into a vampire so that he can be her eternal IT guy and asks him to choose a few others to train up like he is so they can stay up to date with the equipment forever, too? What would it be like to be a vampire's eternal IT consultant?
It's from this prompt from 2018. -- DaniAndShali

There are some nice things about working for a vampire. There are some not-nice things. I already had a nocturnal lifestyle, so going to bed sometime after dawn had no fears for me. Being forced to operate at business hours for excursions to the little village in the dell is a bit of a pain in the butt, but I think I have the hang of going out at around about sunset to do my mortal thing.

Madam doesn't quite have the hang of remembering what's acceptable food in the modern era. She still believes quinoa is something you can catch from bad humors. It's not my job description to teach her modern cuisine. I'm there to teach her modern technology. So far, I'm getting her to graduate upwards to relatively newer machines. It's been... a journey.

I got to bitching to the poor chip shop girl as I got myself a quick meal after the grocery shopping. Which is interesting because she was a sympathetic ear. Turns out her grandma is the exact same type. We had a lot of "does yours" kind of laughs. We had fun.

"Yeah, Madam is entirely nocturnal, so I have to work with her hours. It's why you only see me at dawn or dusk. The latest hilarity is with the new monitor. Her first flat-screen. So she calls the entire monitor a 'window'."

"Mine still calls the monitor a television," said Claire. "Very confusing, 'cause you never know which one she actually means. I usually ask, The shows or the games? because they're two different purposes."

"At least when Madam's complaining about the window going do-lally I know it's the computer," I laughed. "Normal windows don't do that."

"Oh, the operating system Windows does."

"You're a Mac girl, huh?"

"I was before they started getting overpriced. Turns out that Windows is actually stable now, so I can cope. Mostly."

"Op key, Windows key mismatch?"

"Yep. Muscle memory messes me up every single time."

We started seeing each other regularly in the summer, when the sun was out longer and I had more conscious hours free to visit. We found other things to talk about, summer after summer. We got close. We got friendly.

Madam chose one winter night to make an offer. "I have noted that you have been walking out with a young lady from the dell," she began. Translated - So you have a girlfriend. I have something to discuss about this.

"Uh. Yeah? I like her and she likes me, so what? There's nothing in my contract about interpersonal relationships."

"That is true. I've found it to be prudent to allow my vassals to make their own decision should the occasion arise. Now the choice is upon you."

Oh geez... Now the fuck what? "Uh... what choice are you talking about?"

"You can turn, and join my permanent staff... or you can become part of a generational staff where a minimum of one family member is guaranteed employ here. Naturally, the cost of education will be added to your income. You will be allotted a household nearby for family business as I don't expect the rest of your potential family to maintain my daily schedule. You may discuss this with your intended and make a decision together."

Wow. So. That was a big leap. I was still trying to figure out if Claire was into me. "Uh. That might take a little time."

"A lot less than you think," said Madam.

Two weeks later, Claire kissed me square on the mouth. Turns out technonerds can be as clueless as the creative types. So I told her about everything about my crazy, crazy job. I want to grow old with Claire, and she wants to grow old with me. Living forever didn't seem like a bag of peaches, to be honest.

Even though the pay promised to be great, I did like sunshine and sunshine-related activities. Especially with Claire.

So now, alongside teaching Madam how to catch up with the modern era and the latest in technology, I'm also teaching our kids technological knowledge. Including tech history.

Madam's learning how to paint in a digital medium. It's amazingly therapeutic, once you get her past asking how much the electronic paints cost.

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / peshkov]

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Old people tech issues are simultaneously frustrating and adorable XD

LoL the digital paint, when that was still relatively new some friends and I used to have a joke about how YOU'RE WASTING DIGITAL INK XD

Also damn Madam is smart although she had a hell of a long time to observe :)


Being over 500 years old leaves a lot of room for trial and error.