Summer Reflection #26: Birds of Feathers
I didn't take any photos today, which is probably the first time this summer perhaps, so with the Olympics starting this week, todays image comes from outside the Notre Dame cathedral well before it burned a handful of years ago. My wife and I visited Paris over a decade ago, and we had a good time.
As normal for the Olympics though, there are lots of stories coming out about how terrible it is, with robberies and soldiers patrolling the streets, ruining the atmosphere. I find it interesting how people complain about security, until there is an event where they think security should have been better thought through.
It is a pity we live in a world of dicks.
But, that is not quite what my reflection is about today, but it kind of is as well.
A few weeks ago, I took Smallsteps to a park in the city where she made a random friend and instead of making it a one off, I swapped numbers with the parents to set up a playdate. Today, we met again, and I took my wife so that she could meet the parents too.
It didn't go that well.
It didn't go badly, but as I had warned my wife, the couple are from another country and therefore have a bit of a different way about them. They don't seem like bad people or anything like that, but they are somehow more open and also more closed off than Finnish parents. Their child speaks English as their mother tongue, but that is not the parent's main language, which isn't the issue, as after all, Smallsteps is dual mother tongue herself and half foreign.
I think that sometimes it is hard for Finns to connect with people who are not like them, as the culture here is generally pretty homogenous in the sense that most people have a similar experience growing up. Of course, there are wide variations, but there are also cultural standards in the way that for instance, 90% of a family's Christmas dinner is going to overlap with just about everyone else in Finland. There are "norms" and people can somewhat rely on them to engage with with strangers.
However, this family have lived in several quite different countries and haven't their norms aren't really the same as any of them, but rather an amalgamation of many pieces. This puts them into some kind of "uncanny valley" in their set of behaviors, which means that at times they seem friendly and at other times guarded, or even somewhat annoyed. It is a strange mix for sure, and I don't think my wife really knew how to handle the conflicts.
It was interesting to observe and participate in the interactions for a few hours, where there were awkward silences and uncomfortable moments where I think that both sets of parents would have seemed weird to each other. But, regardless of this, the girls seemed to have fun playing together, so that is all that really matters, isn't it?
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
We really do live in a world of dicks friend. It's a good thing Smallsteps knows how to speak multiple language. I think it often happens to people that travel and stay in different places... They tend to be a bit unpredictable
Maybe unpredictable is a good way to look at it, as they have such a mixed bag of behaviors.
you're right mate, I'll probably just look at it as unpredictable
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Different cultures can definitely create unique social dynamics. I'm very glad Smallsteps had fun. !PIZZA
$PIZZA slices delivered:
@theringmaster(1/5) tipped @tarazkp
I'm glad the girls had fun! I see this a lot in Southern California, where our diverse mix of cultures means people are generally accepting but sometimes unsure how to interact, which can create some awkwardness. Fortunately, my boys get along with just about everyone, and since they speak both English and Mandarin, they have been able to include Mandarin-only speakers in group activities, thanks to their language skills.
Is it the case that there are people from all over the US in California and because the country is so big, there are also a lot of cultural variations?
Mandarin would be awesome to speak!
Children simply do not have the same prejudices as adults, which allows them to break down cultural and language barriers. My son Matthew speaks Spanish and English and gets along very well with the children from the French colonies here in Canada.
I hope that the second meeting with this couple will be more open, it will be. I am glad that little Smallsteps had a good time. Blessings.
Kids can play without a common language, but they are still affected by different cultural habits. For instance, Smallsteps wasn't too impressed when the other girl wanted to play on the phone for twenty minutes, thinking that all kids do that.
Sounds like you were hanging out with me. Even with my closest friends and my wife there are long periods of silence. It's just the way my brain works I think. I dunno.
Long silences isn't an issue - it is common here. But, it was the weird and disjointedness. Things didn't click, especially after the husband arrived there. We were talking with the wife only at first and it was far easier.
Ah, okay. I still posit that I would probably be that guy. I present better online than I do in person. You might tolerate me here, but you would probably think me a freak in real life. Either that or a moody bitter fellow.
I think the kids can pick up the vibes of the parents eventually. But I wouldn't worry too much about it. After you get to know each other more it will feel more comfortable with the other parents.
It is also different when the kids are playing without the parents chaperoning, but we don't know each other well enough for that.
I am sure changing the environmental factors would change the behavior. I am sure you will get along just fine with the other parents over time.
Just from this extremely limited sample interaction I have a feeling that there's a high chance that a number of Finns would have no idea what to do in a some homeschool gatherings XD
I've been in all of one where there was all sorts and it was too much for some of the parents who then went on to find or found much more narrow-focused groups
I really, really wish I'd done this when youngest had made some friends at one of our last homeschool groups, we were approaching the yep they're definitely friends let's swap phone numbers phase with the other parents when covid happened before we got a chance to. Lesson in missed opportunities I guess.
Yay for the girls having fun :D
I think you are right!! :D Mostly because they all went to a schooling system where everything is uniform. Not really any private schools here.
Over here I haven't really noticed a difference in thought processes between public and private schools (having done both as a student a hunndred million years ago and observing what comes out as an adult more recently).
I have read that it is not easy for us, Aegean-Mediterranean people, to communicate with Scandinavian people as they behave cold and not very open even with their neoghbours :)
They are cold and unneighbourly - but once one is a friend, they are a friend for life.
Seems it would take long to be a friend :)
I’m sure that with time, your family will get used to the other family. I’ve not met anyone from Finland physically so I can’t say if they are not really good at mingling with others
Anyway, I’m glad Smallsteps will be learning how to make friends and also good communication skills when she grows up
Finns seem used to not talking to people for days and being okay with it :)
I've experienced the clashing of cultures from people in other countries as well. I'm from the Philippines and my brother in law is from the US. It is very difficult for me to get a good grasp of his facial expressions. It might be a general thing for those in the US. They usually have a scowl on their face like they have everything, but a lot of them are nice.
The trick with people from the US is just to work under the assumption that whatever they look like they are saying and whatever words come out of their mouth - it is probably nonsense ;D
Haha, I'll keep that in mind.
Finland lifestyle is surely going to be different from European
That’s why we make friends so we can always mingle with each other and learn more about each other’s culture
Finland is in Europe :)
Yep, you summer it very well! The "grown ups" sometimes make things more difficult that in reality they look. The personal background and expectations, as well the different background experiences and learning process, might upscale the level of grinding to maintain things running smoothly.
But just like you wrote Smallsteps and her brand new friend understood each other quite well :)
I didn't have many friends when I was young, so I didn't meet many parents either. The few I did meet, were pretty decent people and welcoming, but I think there was a selection bias in that! :D
You might say that your parent's did a great job... and for what I read, you are continuing with their "stile" in making a selection on decent and welcoming persons to Smallsteps world ;)
Even within the same cultural environment, there will be controversial issues in the conversations of adults. A good conversationalist is a rarity.
Good conversations are rare because people are boring these days!