The Big Shift. Part 20. Dream House

The spies were led into a stone courtyard, surrounded on all sides by high walls. The metal trailer containing Sydney was taken away and the remaining prisoners were ordered to wait there. The chief would be there to question them soon.

Almost an hour later, though it seemed like five hours, the chief of Malawack security burst into the courtyard. He was a tall, muscular man in his mid sixties, with long grey hair hanging loose at his shoulders and a grey, handlebar moustache. He was wearing billowing flower-patterned trousers and a faded t-shirt with a peeling picture of Jimi Hendrix on the front. He seemed very agitated and snapped at the guard at the courtyard gate, ‘This had better be important! I was in the middle of watching Eastenders.’ He marched across the courtyard to where Freddy, Aretha, Roop and Mabel were huddled in a corner. ‘So you’re the spies who interrupted my TV dinner? Let me get a look at you..’

He peered closely at their faces, one by one. Roop and Aretha stared back at him, defiantly, hoping to awaken some spark of humanity or compassion. Mabel turned her face away and clung onto Aretha’s trouser leg. At Freddy, he stared very long and hard and then even longer and harder. ‘I don’t believe it. It can’t be..’ he muttered to himself.

Freddy opened and closed his mouth but no words came out. The chief of police looked at Freddy from different angles, squinted, shook his head and said, ‘Well I’ll be..! Freddy? Is that you?’

‘What? How do you know my name?’ spluttered Freddy.

‘I’d know you anywhere!’ beamed the chief of Malawack police, seizing Freddy by the shoulders and giving him a shake. ‘Do you think I’d forget the man who married my daughter? It’s me, Frankie. Don’t you recognise me?’

‘What? Frankie? It can’t be..’ stammered Freddy, his eyes wide with amazement. ‘..I can’t believe it! Frankie! It is you! You look different with the long hair and moustache, but it is you! Oh Frankie, it’s so good to see you! I’m so happy you’re still alive. I can’t believe you’re here!’ Freddy and Frankie both broke down in tears and the two embraced, reunited for the first time in sixteen long years.

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Greta and friends followed Queenie along the narrow winding path through the darkening forest. In places they had to squeeze through thorny bushes or climb over or under fallen trees, but Queenie seemed certain of the way. Every time they would come to what appeared to be a dead end, she would see a way through. The others wanted to use their torches to light the way, but Queenie said it made it hard to see the paths which were, to her, illuminated in a very faint purple glow.

‘How does it work, Queenie?’ asked Nina.

‘I don’t know’, said Queenie, as much amazed and dumbfounded by this new power as everyone else was. ‘Maybe my brain frequencies resonate with earth energies.. or something like that..’

‘Yeah, that makes sense’, nodded Jerry. ‘In a hippy sort of way.’

‘Don’t call me a hippy, you hippy!’ retorted Queenie. ‘ I don’t know how it works, ok? But I can see the path..’

The path widened out some more. In places, it looked like some of the trees and bushes had been pruned using human tools. There were parts where logs and branches had been intentionally placed across muddy ditches.

‘Can we use our torches now?’ asked Nina. ‘It’s getting really dark. I can’t see where I’m putting my feet. The way ahead looks clearer now. If we follow this path, we should get to the other side of the valley at some point..’ Queenie agreed and so did the others, so they proceeded along the path with their flashlights, along the dark forest path, into the night.

They marched on and on, enveloped in the silence. The path meandered and wound through the dark forest with seemingly no direction or destination. The came to a great big oak tree with wide branches. ‘Weren’t we here before?’ said Jerry, looking up at the tree dubiously.

‘It does look kind of familiar’, said Nina, walking around the tree, inspecting it with her torchlight. A while owl swooped down from a branch, flying low over their heads. Queenie screamed, piercing the silence.

‘It’s just an owl’, said Greta. ‘It’s good luck to see one.’

‘I’m terrified of owls’, said Queenie, scanning the trees with her flashlight. ‘It’s my biggest fear.. apart from sharks.’

‘Well, I don’t think we’ll meet any sharks here’, laughed Greta. ‘We probably just startled the owl. It wouldn’t do anything to us.’

‘Which way is it from here then?’ asked Nina. ‘I forgot which way we came from..’

Jerry walked around the tree again and then pointed down the path. ‘We were going that way.’

‘No, we just came from that way’, said Greta. ‘We need to go that way.’ She pointed down the path in the opposite direction.

‘What does your compass say, Greta?’, asked Nina.

Greta consulted the compass. ‘Well, we need to go east, which is that way..’ she pointed at the impenetrable wall of thorny bushes at the side of the path. ‘The path goes north south, so it could be either way..’

Captain Toast ran around the tree three more times and then off down the path one way and then the other, then came back and ran around the tree a few more times.

‘I can’t remember at all. I was so deep in my own thoughts, I wasn’t looking where we were going’, said Nina. ‘It all looks the same to me. Queenie, can you see the way with your vape vision?’

Queenie looked both ways, but couldn’t make up her mind. ‘I don’t know. It’s faded now. It must have worn off. Maybe I’ll have another go..’

The others agreed it was probably about the best option they had in that moment, so Queenie went ahead and created another cloud of purple haze.

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Freddy briefly recounted the events of the past sixteen years, the birth of Greta and Nina, the separation between him and River and the twins after the Big Shift. Greta coming to the city a month ago and then running away with Nina back to Skyward Village to find their mum. Freddy desperately going after them, with the help of his friends from Shopping Village, hence their passing through Malawack now. Obviously they weren’t spies of any sort.

Frankie described how he and Josie had come to Malawack as soon as the Big Shift happened. They’d both been followers of Humpty for years, on the internet. He was someone who’d spoken the truth when the mass media only told lies. Humpty had been warning that the Big Shift.. or rather, the Big Hoax.. was going to happen for years before it actually did. It was obvious where they had to go and what they had to do when it finally happened. Those of Malawack’s followers who could, headed to Eastwell, the mystical heartland of the Malawack Kingdom. There they built their community and waited for their leader to return. At the time of the Big Shift, Humpty had been on the other side of the world, on tour, promoting his new channel, but they knew he’d make it back to the heartland somehow.

‘Wait till Josie hears about this..’ said Frankie, taking out a flip phone. He dialled five numbers. The tinny sound of the phone at the other end ringing could be heard from the phone’s speaker. It was a sound neither Freddy, Aretha or Roop had heard in years. A click and then a voice at the other end. ‘Hello? Frankie? Is everything ok? What is it?’

‘Josie, you’ll never believe who’s here’, Frankie spoke excitedly into the mouthpiece. ‘It’s Freddy! You know.. River’s husband? He’s alive! River’s alive too! You won’t believe where she is.. she’s just down the road.. Skyward Village! Can you believe it, Jo? River’s alive! She’s been there all.. just over the hill. Freddy was in the city all this time. Yeah, I know.. what can you do? At least he’s out now. And one more thing.. are you sitting down? Yes? Are you ready? Josie.. we’re grandparents! Yes! Twins! Two girls.. Greta and Nina. They’re sixteen! I know.. it’s a miracle!’

Josie was over the moon to hear all the news. She said that Freddy and his friends must come to the house and stay for the night. They could all set out for Skyward Village in the morning. As appealing as this was for Freddy, he was filled with anxiety and an urgent need to find Greta and Nina. They could be in great danger and he couldn’t rest until he’d found them. They’d wasted a lot of time already with the ridiculous arrest and imprisonment.

‘Sorry about that, Freddy’, apologised Frank. ‘It’s just we can’t be too careful these days. Infiltrators coming in all the time, causing trouble.’

‘Why?’ asked Freddy. ‘What are they after?’

‘What.. or who? They’re after the King’, said Frank. ‘They’re scared of him, that’s why. Because he speaks the truth. Makes him.. let’s say.. unpopular, in certain circles.’ Frank gave Freddy a very pointed look, the meaning of which Freddy was completely unable to decipher.

‘Is he really the king?’ asked Freddy. ‘I mean, no disrespect, but how did he become a king?’

‘Humpty never wanted to be a king.. never once claimed to be a king.. but a king he was. A king he is. That’s his destiny. To serve God, his people and his country.’

‘Wasn’t he an actor.. a comedian.. something like that?’

‘Humpty’s been many things’, said Frankie reverently. ‘From the bottom of the gutter to the top of the ivory tower. He’s seen life from all sides.. from within and without the system.’

‘He sounds like a truly incredible person’, said Freddy, a touch cynically. ‘And now he lives in that big orange mansion, serving his people?’

Frankie put his arm round Freddy’s shoulder. ‘Freddy, bear in mind, you’re seeing the world from a very limited perspective, but that’s ok. Everyone awakens in their own time. You know what? Let’s go and meet Humpty. I’m sure he’ll help us if he can.’ He pulled out his phone again and called up Josie. ‘Meet us at the castle, we’re going to see the king.’

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Queenie sat down at the base of the big oak tree. She closed her eyes and took slow, deep breaths, hoping that when she opened her eyes again, she’d be able to see the way. After a while she got to her feet and stood on the path, looking one way and then the other, but couldn’t make up her mind. ‘Everything’s glowing purple’, she said in a dazed voice.

‘Really? Are you allright Queenie?’ asked Nina, worried.

‘Yeah, fine’, Queenie nodded. Captain Toast came and rubbed against her leg. ‘Which way is it Captain?’ she said, looking deep into Captain’s dark eyes. Captain Toast looked up at Queenie and then back and forth along the path. He sniffed the air, pointing his nose in every direction before settling finally on the path to the right of the oak tree. Queenie sniffed the air too. ‘What’s that? Oh wow.. what’s that amazing smell?’ she said.

‘I can’t smell anything. What can you smell?’ asked Greta.

‘Perfume.. a sort of perfume’, said Queenie, as if in a dream. ‘I know that perfume. Can’t you smell it?’

‘I can’t smell anything’, said Jerry.

‘Me neither’, said Nina. ‘Just the smell of your vape hanging around.’

‘No, it’s not that’, said Queenie. ‘It’s something else. It’s like.. beautiful perfume.. maybe flowers, or incense.. can’t you smell it?’ Captain Toast started off down the path on the right, sniffing the air as he went. ‘Wait for me Captain!’ called Queenie. ‘Don’t leave me behind.’ Captain Toast stopped and waited for Queenie to catch up, then the two of them led the way, side by side, sniffing the air. The others looked at each other, shrugged and then followed along with their flashlights.

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Malawack castle was a grand old mansion. It had been built by the Earl of Eastwell in the seventeenth century with many additions made over successive generations. The reception hall was a magnificent room, five metres high with opulent detailing, from the mosaic tiled floor to the gold leaf plasterwork of the ceiling. A double staircase made from marble curved from the centre of the hall to the upper levels. People were milling about, some dressed in colourful clothes or robes, others in dusty work clothes, some looking busy, bustling in and out of doors carrying piles of papers, others waiting patiently outside of doors.

Frankie and the four newly released prisoners headed up the stairs and up again to the third floor. Everything from there upwards were exclusively the Royal residence. Frankie, as the chief of Malawack police and as an old and trusted friend of King Humpty, was able to walk right in, no questions asked. Mabel had never been inside a royal palace. She stared at everything in awe, her mouth hanging open. She couldn’t believe they were really going to meet the King.

‘Do I need to curtsey or bow?’ she asked anxiously. ‘Do I need to call him your majesty, or your royal highness? Will he chop my head off if I get it wrong?’

Frankie laughed. ‘Don’t worry. King Humpty doesn’t chop people’s heads off. And you can call him Humpty. He’s just a regular person like me or you, so you don’t have to be scared.’

‘But isn’t he a king?’ asked Mabel, confused.

‘Yes, he’s that too’, smiled Frankie.

They were told that King Humpty was currently having an ice bath but would be out soon, so they should wait in the royal reception suite on the third floor. Two great oak doors opened into a large lounge with tall windows overlooking the fields and forests of the Malawack Kingdom. Comfortable sofas and armchairs were dotted around, set against the walls or around coffee tables. Among the artworks on the wall was a large print made up of pictures of Marilyn Monroe in different primary colours. Further along was a piece of graffiti art complete with the section of wall it had been sprayed onto, a masked rioter throwing a bunch of flowers. There was a glass cabinet displaying a white, electric guitar. Next to that was another cabinet with an old fashioned reel to reel tape recorder and a stack of tape reels inside. A black, grand piano took up one corner of the room. Along one wall was a long table, set with sandwiches, cakes and refreshments.

‘Nice room’, said Roop, looking around, impressed. It was a world away from the makeshift dwellings of Shopping Village.

‘This is usually where Humpty meets guests and foreign dignitaries’, said Frankie. ‘Those are some of the crown treasures around the walls. Do you see that guitar there? That used to belong to Jimi Hendrix.’

‘No way!’ gasped Roop, now fully amazed.

‘Way’, nodded Frankie. ‘See those tapes there? Those are Dylan’s Basement Tapes. The original tapes. Everyone thought they’d been lost, but Humpty’s collectors found them and brought them back here. Don’t even ask how.’

‘Incredible..’ said Roop, his eyes almost popping out of his head.

‘That piano’, said Frankie proudly. ‘Used to belong to Freddy Mercury.’

‘Wow!’ said Freddy. ‘That’s really impressive. Nina would love that. She plays piano you know.’

‘Does she? Excellent! We’ll have to bring her here when we find her. And Greta too, and River. It’s a miracle that we’ll all be together again after all this time. Malawack would be the perfect place, if only we had our family around. And now we will!’ Frankie said happily.

‘Well, I was rather hoping I could convince you all to come back to the city with me’, said Freddy.

Frankie laughed as if it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard and just as quickly became serious again. ‘I think you’ll find that when you know what’s really going on in the world, you won’t ever want to go back to the city again.’

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Greta and friends made their way through the dark forest. ‘Do you think this path actually leads anywhere?’ said Jerry. Nobody could say for sure that it did.

Suddenly there came a knocking sound from somewhere not too far away, out of sight. Everybody froze. ‘What was that?’ whispered Queenie, her eyes wide with terror.

‘Woodpecker, maybe?’ ventured Nina.

‘Sounded more like metal on stone’, said Jerry.

‘Yes, it didn’t sound like a woodpecker. I don’t think you’d hear a woodpecker at night either’, said Greta.

There came the sound again.

‘It’s coming from just over there’, Queenie pointed. ‘Hey, can you smell that? Woodsmoke.’

They all sniffed the air. There was the faint but unmistakeable hint of woodsmoke. Captain Toast sniffed the air excitedly and ran off into the trees in the direction of the knocking sound. The others looked at each other in the torchlight.

‘I say we follow him’, said Jerry. ‘Maybe someone lives there and can tell us the way.’

For lack of a better plan, the others reluctantly agreed. ‘This is just like that story.. what was it called? About the children who got lost in the woods and meet an evil witch..’ said Nina.

‘The Chronicles of Narnia?’ said Queenie. ‘That was epic. Mad ending though.’

‘I was thinking of Hansel and Gretel’, said Nina.

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After about half an hour in the royal reception suite, Josie arrived. There was a tearful, joyful reunion and another recounting of the events of the last sixteen years. Everybody ate sandwiches and cakes, drank tea, coffee and kombucha until they had all had their fill. Roop spent a long time staring at the guitar in the cabinet. Mabel played chopsticks on the piano, the only tune she knew, until Freddy could barely take it any more. Not only was the tune highly irritating, especially after the fiftieth time, it was sacreligous to abuse the piano on which Bohemian Rhapsody had been written in such a way. But Freddy didn’t say anything. He quietly seethed with frustration and impatience, while doing his best to hold a meaningful conversation with his long lost mother in law. All he could think about was Nina and Greta, how he needed to get to them before it was too late and how much time he was wasting in this crazy town. They could have been there by now if they hadn’t been so held up.

Eventually, after even Roop was getting slightly bored of marvelling at the priceless guitar in the glass cabinet, King Humpty arrived. He was a big, round man in his seventies with a long, white beard and eyes that sparkled with a mischievous glint from underneath bushy, white eyebrows. There was something slightly piratical about him, even in his brightly patterned silk kimono and with a pink towel on his head.

King Humpty greeted everyone with a big, beaming smile and hugs, welcoming the newcomers to the Malawack Free State. After making sure they’d all had enough refreshments, they sat down on sofas to discuss matters in hand.

Freddy once again recounted the events of the last sixteen years, sticking only to the most relevant parts. By this point, he was getting tired of telling the same story over and over again and just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, but Humpty wanted to hear all of the details.

‘What do you do in the city? Do you have a job? What’s your trade?’ asked Humpty.

‘Well, I’m an academic.. if you can call that a trade’, said Freddy.

‘Of course it is. Of course it is’, cried Humpty, clapping his hands. ‘You trade in knowledge.. the most valuable of all commodities.’

‘Well, I’ve never thought of it like that..’ said Freddy. ‘I tend to find that the more I study, the less I know.’

Humpty looked infinitely impressed. ‘Wise words. Wise words indeed. Deep truth, my man. What is it that you study?’

‘Mainly intersectional cosmology and O-ology’, said Freddy.

‘Oh really?’ said Humpty, leaning forward, interested. ‘So you must know all about O, I expect?’

‘Nobody knows all about O’, said Freddy. ‘It’s the most that anyone can do to understand a part of O.. and even then, they might be wrong. Besides that, there will always be some things about O that no-one ever understands.. that no one ever even could understand.’

‘You talk like an O-ist’, said Humpty, narrowing his eyes and looking at Freddy sideways. ‘You talk about O like it’s God.’

‘Well, in lots of ways, essentially it is’, said Freddy, never one to retreat from an intellectual discussion involving his field of expertise. ‘Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.’

‘Arthur C Clarke’, nodded Humpty. ‘Great man. Visionary. But O is not magic and is definitely not God. Do you know who is really behind O? I bet they don’t teach you that in O-ology school.’

‘What? Nobody is behind O. That’s the whole point’, said Freddy, unable to prevent himself from rolling his eyes and shaking his head in exasperation. It was always the people who knew the least that were the biggest know-it-alls.

Humpty nodded his head slowly, thinking much the same thing about Freddy. ‘So, you say you study cosmology too? What do you know about extra terrestrials?’

‘What do I know about extra terrestrials?’ Freddy pulled a funny face. ‘Well, aside from the fact that we ourselves might be alien in origin of a sort.. deep in our genetic past at least.. I don’t think there’s any real evidence for the existence of aliens. That’s not to say that they don’t exist.. I mean, given the size of the universe, they almost certainly do exist in great number.. but also, given the size of the universe, it’s highly unlikely that they’d find their way here.’

‘Right on some counts, Freddy’ said Humpty, taking a swig from a mug of cold, fermented tea. ‘But wrong on others. You see, they’ve been among us for years.’ He gave Freddy a very long and significant look.

‘What do you mean they’ve been among us for years? Where?’ asked Freddy incredulously.

‘Everywhere’, said Humpty, leaning forward again and looking left and right suspiciously. ‘But mainly in the most powerful positions. They can shape shift, you see. They look just like us.. when they want to.’

‘That’s ridiculous’, said Freddy, forgetting that he was talking to the King of Malawack and not a mad old drunkard in a pub.

‘It might sound ridiculous to you, but I swear to you Freddy, it’s completely true. In my younger days, when I played at being famous, I interviewed everyone on my show. Everyone. Politicians, revolutionaries, leaders in commerce, dissidents in the media, high ranking members of the military, thought leaders, religious leaders, whistleblowers.. so when I tell you I know things, I’m not just making it up. Listen, I have it on very good authority that shape shifting extra terrestrials have been visiting Earth for thousands of years.. maybe tens of thousands.. but even more so in the last century. It’s just a fact, Freddy. You can take it or leave it.’ Humpty nodded with finality. The truth had been spoken and there was nothing else to say.

‘Sorry, I’d need to see proof’, said Freddy, shaking his head.

Humpty threw his head back and laughed a deep, belly laugh. ‘The proof is everywhere, you just need to open your eyes!’

‘What? Where?’ said Freddy, looking around the room.

‘How do you think they made O?’ said Humpty, throwing his arms open wide. ‘Who do you think made O?’

‘Well, the most simple and most likely explanation is that O evolved out of earlier technologies. In a sense, nobody made O, but at the same time it was made by all of humanity since the invention of the wheel. In another sense, you could say that O made themselves. It’s a combination of all of those things. I don’t think you need to bring shape-shifting aliens into it. It’s quite amazing enough as it is, when you really look into it.’

‘What would you think if I told you that O was created by reverse engineering secret alien technology?’ said Humpty, giving Freddy another of his deep and searching looks.

‘Well.. I’d have to say..’ Freddy thought about what he’d really have to say, but didn’t say it in so many many words. ‘I’d be skeptical. I mean, really.. what would be the purpose?’

‘To rule the planet of course!’ said Humpty, as if it was self evident. ‘Like they’ve been doing for years. Only, now they’ve almost achieved complete world domination. Apart from places like this. That’s why they made O. That’s why they made the Big Hoax.. the Big Grift! They even told us they were going to do it.. for years in advance. The Great Reset. Remember that? The New Normal? The Plandemic? The Big Shift was all pre-planned, I’m telling you. Down to the last detail.’

‘No, I can’t believe that’, said Freddy. ‘You’re saying that there are people.. evil people.. or rather evil, shape changing aliens from another planet.. behind O? That literally makes no sense, sorry. It would be impossible. O just doesn’t work that way.’

‘Have you ever heard of Plato’s cave, Freddy? I’m sure you have, you’re an educated man.’

‘Of course. It’s an alegory. A group of people are chained together in a cave, watching the shadows of a puppet show on the wall. Not being aware of the source of the light and having no conception of the world beyond the cave, they assume that the shadows are the reality itself.’

‘Exactly’, said Humpty, gleefully clapping his hands. ‘You study and study, you learn all the fact.. but where do you get your information? Who feeds you your facts? Have you stopped to consider that?’

‘From lots of sources, I can assure you’, said Freddy, turning red in the face. They were wasting precious time.

‘Have you ever heard of the Illuminati, Freddy?’ said Humpty, leaning in very close and talking almost in a whisper.

‘The secret organisation of powerful people, running the world from the shadows? Yes, I’ve heard of them. It’s a conspiracy theory. Maybe some elements of it were once slightly, partly, a little bit true, but either way, O put an end to human corruption with the Big Shift.’

‘So you’ve heard of them at least’, said Humpty. ‘That’s something. Well, let me tell you, it’s all true. Everything you’ve heard. Not only that, but they’re more powerful now than ever before.’

‘Well I don’t know how you came to that conclusion, but if you say so..’ Freddy’s patience was running out.

‘Not, if I say so. It’s the truth Freddy and the Truth will set you Free!’ There was a fire in King Humpty’s eyes and he stood up from his chair as he spoke.

‘O.. k..’, said Freddy, not wanting to anger this mad old man who stood between him and freedom.

‘What do you think happened to the elites after the Big Hoax, Freddy? Where did they go? Do you think they just vanished?’

‘I don’t know, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me’, said Freddy wearily.

‘They’re still there, Freddy, my boy. While all the sheeple are cooped up in your hives, eating carbon and algae, being monitored and modified by Big Brother O.. where do you think your Musks and Gates and Bezoses are? Your Hollywood stars, your presidents and prime-ministers, your CIA, your KGB, your Mossad.. where are your Rockerfellers and your Rothschilds now? Do you know? I’ll tell you.. the ones that are still here on Earth and haven’t gone to Mars.. or beyond.. oh, they’re on their private islands, eating caviar, drinking champagne. They’re travelling the world on their yachts and in their private jets, still calling the shots.’

‘Oh come on.. you can’t believe that’, said Freddy exasperated. ‘Next thing you’re going to tell me it’s the Jews behind O, controlling everything.’

King Humpty sat down again in his armchair, adjusted his kimono and took another swig from his mug. He looked at Freddy and nodded slowly. ‘Listen, Freddy’, he said with infinite patience and condescension. ‘Let’s put it this way. I’m not saying it’s any of those things. I’m just not saying it isn’t either, do you get what I’m saying?’ He nodded significantly and sat back in his chair. ‘I don’t rule anything out when it comes to these evil reptilian bloodsuckers.’

‘Oh I’ve had enough of this! You know I’m Jewish, right? Do I look like someone who’s secretly ruling the world? I only wish I was, then maybe everything wouldn’t be such a mess!’ cried Freddy, springing out of his chair. ‘My daughters are out there somewhere in the forest.. possibly getting eaten by wolves.. and we’re here discussing the protocols of the elders of Zion?! Seriously? Frankie, Josie.. we need to get to Skyward Village. We need to find Greta and Nina.. and River.’

‘He’s right, Humpty’, said Josie. ‘We need to find them.’

‘I’m sorry’, said Humpty, looking crestfallen. ‘I do tend to go on and on when I get worked up about something. You should have stopped me.’

‘That’s ok, Humpty. We love how you go on’, smiled Josie, leaning over and giving him a kiss on the cheek. ‘We just need to find our girls.’

King Humpty sat back and stroked his beard. ‘Well, the road going to Skyward Village is the B420.. but it’s full of holes. Those Northwellians really didn’t like me driving my fast cars up there, did they? You’d better take the big Jeep. You should all fit in that. That’ll get you to the edge of Skyward Village in about an hour.. or more like half an hour if you’re driving, eh Frankie!’ Humpty turned to his chief of police and grinned. ‘Frankie’s the fastest driver there is. He’s completely mental behind the wheel. You’d better wear seat belts.’

Frankie smiled at the complement. He stood up and shook Humpty’s hand. ‘Thanks Humpty’, he said and they hugged, clapping each others’ backs heartily.

‘I.. I don’t understand’, stammered Freddy. ‘You’ve got cars? A jeep? How can it be? And television? And telephones?’

‘By the Magic of Community, by the Miracle of Cooperation, the Power of the Human Spirit, Ingenuity, Creativity, Vision, Love.. and with Divine Guidance and with the help of the Lord God, yes, we are blessed with such things here in the Malawack Free State.. our Humble Little Utopia’, declared Humpty, putting his hands together and offering up a prayer after his sermon. Frankie and Josie did the same and said ‘Amen.’

Mabel, who had been silent all this time spoke up. ‘What about Sydney?

‘Who’s Sydney?’ asked Humpty.

‘He’s Freddy’s dog’, said Mabel.

‘Oh, I love dogs. Where is he? Did you leave him outside?’ smiled Humpty.

‘No, they took him away’, said Mabel, holding back her tears.

‘Who took him away?!’ cried Humpty angrily. He had strong feelings about animal cruelty. Mabel looked towards Frankie, so did Humpty.

‘Sydney is a robot’, said Frankie. ‘It’s been contained.’

‘Oh I see’, said Humpty, his smile turning to a frown. ‘Well in that case, it’s probably being deactivated and dismantled for parts. Their transmitters are very valuable.’ He turned to Freddy and asked, ‘What model is it?’

‘Oh it’s a very old model. Must be, what.. fifteen years old by now.. T13 model. I’m sure it’s not worth that much at all..’ said Freddy, hoping to dissuade Humpty from having Sydney destroyed.

‘T13, you say?’ said Humpty, now very much interested. ‘T13 was a classic model. One of the best. Especially because of the signal boxes. They used old school microwave transmitters in the T13. Our clever boffins at the science institute use them in the phone system and for the MBC.’

‘The MBC?’

‘Malawack Broadcasting Company’, said Humpty proudly. ‘Two channels, MBC One and MBC Two, from 6am until Midnight, six days a week, broadcasting to the whole of Malawack and beyond! What do you think of that? They said it couldn’t be done, but by God, we did it Freddy! We showed them! They couldn’t shut us up or shut us down and they never will either, not while there is breath in my bones and marrow in my lungs, I’ll speak the truth and damn the consequences!!’ Humpty jumped out of his chair and punched his fist in the air.

Freddy threw up his hands in defeat and stood up. ‘You know what? Just keep it! Keep the robot and put the parts to good use. I really don’t care any more. Do what you like. But I really need to go now. My daughters are out there and I need to find them.’

King Humpty nodded. ‘Ok, great. Will do. Thanks Freddy. That’s very public spirited of you. Rest assured, a part of your Sydney will live on in the telephone system of the Malawack Free State!’

Mabel wailed in despair and ran to Humpty, grabbing hold of the hem of his kimono. ‘Noo-ooo-o-oo-oo!’ she cried. ‘Please your majesty. Please don’t take Sydney! Don’t cut Sydney’s head off! He hasn’t done anything to you. He’s a good dog, your Highness, even if he is a robot. And he’s my friend.. Sydney’s my friend..’ Mabel began sobbing uncontrollably.

Humpty looked down at Mabel, smiled a wide, benificient smile. With the glimmer of a tear in his eyes, he patted her on the head and said, ‘That’s so touching, young lady. Tell me, what’s your name again? I’m sorry, I know you told me before, but I meet so many people and I’m terrible with names..’

‘It’s Mabel, your Majesty’, said Mabel, looking up at the king and doing her best to curtsey without tripping herself over.

‘Well Mabel, what you said is the most beautiful and kind and noble thing I’ve heard anyone say in.. in.. well over a week.. maybe even a month. So you know what I’m going to do?’

‘No, what?’ asked Mabel, hope rising.

‘Frankie, my man’, said Humpty, turning to his chief of police. ‘Bring me the Sacred Sword of Malawack from over there on the wall.’ Frankie nodded his head and very reverently went to bring a long, double edged sword from above the stone fireplace.

‘What? No!’ cried Mabel in terror and ran to hide between her parents. ‘Don’t cut off my head! Please, I didn’t do anything!’

‘Oh no, don’t worry, don’t be scared. I’m not going to cut anyone’s head off. You have shown great courage and loyalty, also deep compassion. You have spoken your truth without fear of consequence and for that, I am going to bestow upon you the highest honour in the land. How would you like to be a Knight of the Crown, Mabel?’

Mabel looked out fearfully from behind her mum’s legs. ‘I don’t know what that means.. your Majesty. What’s going to happen to Sydney?’

‘I shall grant Sydney a Royal Pardon!’ declared King Malawack, taking the sword from Frankie and holding it aloft, almost hitting a crystal chandelier. ‘On the condition that Sydney is beyond the frontiers of The Free State by midnight tonight, I can guarantee that no harm shall come to him, by Royal Decree. I shall have my scribes prepare some papers bearing the Royal Seal. Are you ready to be knighted now, Mabel?’

‘I don’t understand’, said Mabel. ‘Are you going to cut my head off?’

‘No, Mabel, I’m not’, said Humpty, lowering the sword. ‘You just need to kneel here and I put this sword on your shoulder, and then I say “arise Sir Mabel” and that’s about it. Then you’re a knight of the Crown of Malawack. It doesn’t hurt.’

Mabel looked up at Aretha, questioning. Aretha, shrugged her shoulders, rolled her eyes, shook her head and said, ‘Sure, why not? You’d be a good knight, Mabel.’

‘You shall be a Great Knight!’ declared Humpty, beckoning her over to his side.

‘Ok’, said Mabel, timidly approaching him. ‘As long as you don’t cut off anyone’s head.’

‘You have my word of honour’, said Humpty, standing up very straight, with the sword at his side, planted in the thick carpet. ‘I shall not harm a single hair on your head nor a single wire in Sydney’s robot bonce. Now if you want to kneel down here on one knee.. or two if that’s’ more comfortable.. it doesn’t really matter.. we can get on with the ceremony.’

Freddy couldn’t help but let out a groan. ‘Will it take long.. this ceremony?’

Humpty smiled a huge, benevolent smile at Freddy. ‘I’ll do the short version. I’ve also got things I need to do. It’s not all fun and games, being a King, you know. In fact I’m almost late for my nightly address to the people.’

‘Thanks.. .. .. your Majesty’, said Freddy, bowing his head slightly. This pleased His Majesty very much.

‘Wow, what’s that sword?’ said Mabel, looking it up and down. It was almost the same height as she was. ‘What’s all that funny writing on it?’

‘That is Elven writing’, said Humpty bowing his head. ‘This sword is Anduril, Flame of the West, reforged from the shards of Narsil, in Rivendell. The weapon that Isildur used to cut the One Ring from Sauron’s hand and defeat him.’

‘For real?’ laughed Roop. ‘Lord of the Rings?’

‘Well, not the actual Sword of Anduril, that would be silly’, said Humpty. ‘It was the one they used in the movie. This actual sword, in the actual film. It’s a real sword, not just a prop. That’s something isn’t it? Do you want to feel the edge on it? It’s really sharp..’ He proffered to the tip of the sword towards Roop and lurched unsteadily with the weight of it. Holding out the sword, Humpty struck a noble and dramatic pose and in a loud voice declared, ‘Very bright was that sword when it was made whole again; the light of the sun shone redly on it, and the light of the moon shone cold, and its edge was hard and keen. And Aragorn gave it a name and called it Arundil, Flame of the West.’

‘That’s ok’, said Roop, putting up his hands and stepping back. ‘Are you going to be ok with that? It looks heavy..’

‘Sure, fine, no worries’, said Humpty, raising the sword aloft again. Then he raised his voice and announced, ‘Mabel the Compassionate, Mabel the Brave, Mabel the Loyal and True, I do hereby knight thee into the most honourable Order of the Great White Owl, to spread Truth and defend, honour and sanctify the Flag and Crown of Malawack, both here and abroad.’ Very gently, Humpty brought the sword down and tapped Mabel on one shoulder and then the other. He handed the sword back to Frankie and then shouted at the top of his voice, ‘Arise, Sir Mabel and be recognised as an honourable and noble Knight of the Sacred and Royal Free State of Malawack!’

It was such an exciting moment, that everyone, clapped their hands and cheered. Freddy shouted, ‘Mazeltov!’

…………………………………. . . . . …………………… . . ……………. . . . ……

Deep in the dark of the forest, like the hapless and unwitting stars of every second-rate horror movie ever made, our adventurers followed the path towards the mysterious knocking sound. ‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this’, said Queenie. ‘Maybe we should have gone the other way..’

‘Well, what does your nose tell you, Queenie? What does the purple glow say?’ said Jerry, rather unkindly. ‘We’ve just walked miles along this path now.’ He was feeling irritable now that the hypersausage was wearing off. He rummaged around in his bag, found his hypersausage, unwrapped it and took a big bite before offering it around. Everyone except for Captain Toast said they’d had enough for the time being. Captain Toast jumped around barking as Jerry threw him pieces of the pink gum.

Suddenly the knocking stopped. Captain Toast stopped barking and turned his face and his ears to where the sound had been coming from. A voice echoed through the woods from that direction. ‘Who goes there?’

The adventurers all jumped and grabbed onto each other in fright. It was the first other voice they’d heard since leaving Shopping Village the day before and the last thing they’d expected or hoped to hear in that moment. Captain Toast barked again, his deepest, loudest and most fearsome bark. The voice rang out again. A man’s voice, something like a bark. ‘Who goes there? Show yourselves! There are traps all around, so you’d better be careful.’

‘My name is Greta!’ called out Greta. ‘From Skyward Village. My friends and I are on our way there now, from the city. We come in peace and would be grateful for your direction. We shall not tarry and longer than necessary, for we are on a journey of great urgency.’

Jerry nodded his head, impressed. ‘Well said’, he said. ‘Is that how people talk around here?’

‘Sometimes, yeah’, Greta shrugged.

There was a silence, then the voice replied. ‘Very well. You got torches and flashlights? Better use them. Follow the path. Don’t touch anything. And watch your step. And keep your dog tied tight.’

Jerry took a piece of rope from his bag and reluctantly tied it to Captain’s collar. Captain Toast, understanding the situation, reluctantly agreed to let him. With their flashlights in their hands and with great trepidation, our brave adventurers made their way carefully along the winding, forest path.

Suddenly a face loomed out of the darkness, a person standing between two trees. A small woman, her face fixed in a scream and her arms outstretched. Queenie screamed and stumbled backwards into a thorny hedge. The others also screamed and jumped back.

‘It’s not real’, said Greta. ‘Look. It’s a sculpture. It’s made from wood.’

‘OMJFC, it scared the life out of me’, said Queenie, catching her breath. ‘And it looks like my mum. That’s so weird. That’s all I need.. to be running into that old witch in the middle of the forest.’

‘That’s really weird..’, said Greta, taking a closer look at the sculpture, shining her torch at it from different angles. ‘It looks to me like that fortune telling woman.. remember.. the one I met in the woods when I was a girl.. the one who made me drop the berries?’

‘Yeah.. in MY dream. I remember it, sure’, said Queenie, still sitting on the ground, in the thorny hedge, looking up at the wooden apparition, shadows shifting across its tormented face as Greta shone her flashlight around. ‘This is really starting to freak me out Greta. Maybe we should just quietly turn around and go back.. Or we could camp out for the night and then find a different way in the morning..’

‘No’, said Greta, giving Queenie a hand up. ‘We’re so close now. It’s going to be ok. I know it is. I’ll go in front.’

Further along, they encountered more wooden sculptures hiding between the trees. Each surprise encounter giving our adventurers a fright, but each time slightly less so. In other places, seemingly random objects.. bits of pottery, stones, parts of machines, lampshades.. suspended from branches of the trees. Some clicked and clacked or made jangling sounds, others just loomed ominously in the darkness. One sculpture, which was the most intricately carved and smoothly finished, was of a woman (they all seemed to be the same woman) lovingly cradling a baby. Another was a life size sculpture of her head, with copper wire coiled all over in spiral patterns. ‘Oh my God, what the hell is that supposed to be?’ gasped Queenie when she saw it. ‘Can we get out of here? This place is seriously creepy.’

‘I think it’s just art’, said Nina. ‘It’s probably an artist who lives there.’

‘Well, that doesn’t really make me feel any better’, said Queenie. ‘Artists are the most crazy.’

‘Well, I don’t know if that’s true..’, said Nina. ‘Not always anyway..’

‘You know it’s true’, smiled Queenie, giving Nina a wink. ‘Come on then, let’s go and meet the artist..’

The path curved around a great old Yew tree. Behind the tree, an old stone cottage. Queenie gasped and stopped in her tracks, grabbing hold of Greta. ‘It’s the house!’ she said, her eyes wide with terror.

‘The house? What house?’

‘My dream house. The house, from my dream’, said Queenie, pointing at it. ‘It’s the house from my dream.’

………………… . . . …………………….. . . . …………………. . . …………….