what if i never left?
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Sometimes, sitting alone in the dead of night, one inevitably thinks, “If only I hadn't made that decision back then, what would things be like today?” Friends, does this ever happen to you—have you ever thought something like that?
When I first moved away from home, I thought it was just a temporary decision. I believed that after a while everything would go back to normal. But time never really returns to how it was. Some things slip away from us before we even realize their true value. I remember those streets, that old tea shop, all the friends we used to hang out with. used to sit together and spend time.
I miss all my friends so much. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't left back then. Maybe I'd still be spending my mornings with those same people. It doesn't mean that all my dear friends and I used to get together and spend the whole day. The biggest loss of leaving is that a person slowly changes. At first, it's over these small things I used to just smile. Now tension makes me worry about the future and makes my life feel strange.
Friends, when I left home I thought I was getting closer to my dreams, but in the process of achieving everything I forgot that I was drifting far away from my loved ones. Those who used to wait for me—now they're all starting to pull away. Life can't run on “if” alone; it doesn't work that way. Every decision gives a person just as much spiritual nourishment. Maybe I don't understand the meaning of loneliness. Some journeys drive a person away, but those same journeys rebuild them. Today I'm not the same as I was before. I'm alive but silent because loneliness has left me so helpless that I don't know what to talk about when I sit with my friends. I feel like people have changed, but in reality I… I myself have changed. This question will always be part of my life, but one thing I've definitely understood is that some journeys—whether they break us from within or wear us out—ultimately reconnect us with our true selves.