Nothing Ever Changes...?

A quarter of a century. Still young, yet old enough to have seen some things change. For the better or worse, only time will tell. I think many of us have a way of idealizing the past. When I was a kid, everything was better. Not golden. But better. Except often, what that really boils down to is I was younger, more hopeful, didn't have as many responsibilities or worries. Life was better. But mostly on a personal level.

I think it's hard to compare the world you knew as a child to the one you know as an adult. 'Cause you're paying attention to different things. When I was a little girl, my mom used to watch this news commentator guy. As an adult, I can see how he's biased, goofy, bought and paid for, all that. As a kid, I only knew him as the man at the little table. And I was supposed to be asleep by 11, when the man came on at his little table. A child's view on politics. Very different from an adult. Or is it?

I do think this to be true - technology has become the bane of our world. Has grown immensely since I was a kid. I think my mom got her first cellphone when I was like 6 or 7. I think. We didn't have a computer in the house until we came into a bit of money, so I was around 8? 9? I can safely say the first decade of my life was mostly technology-free. We kids got an hour a week or something to play computer games and do things like that inside a little computer room. And that's because I went to a good, fancy school. Don't think everyone had that.

Was it better? No doubt. Few things piss me off more than these mothers zombie-pushing strollers while they scroll TikTok. It's okay, if they're lucky, the baby in the stroller's glued to their own little screen, playing those annoying childish ditties. I long ago lost count of the babies I've seen staring numbly at their mom's Instagram feed. Understanding nothing, only that this is what the world is.

When I was small, my grandmother and my mother took me to the park, where I played with the kids in the neighborhood. The biggest excitement of the day was "will I see Mary or Annie or whoever I was friends with that week today". Now, I pass parks and see four kids huddled around a screen. It's still a shared experience, though less.

The sad thing is, if you engage with them, they'll always always prefer that. These kids parked by their parents in front of a smartphone screen will much rather laugh or pull faces at a willing person engaging with them rather than stare into the screen. To me, this seems like the most vile manner of starving your children.

I was talking to someone who is a parent recently about this, and they expressed that common concern of oh you can't deprive them, they'll feel left out. Maybe. If you put them in an otherwise mainstream, public school context, probably. I don't plan on doing that with mine, so we'll see. I think if your kids grow up with the kids of like-minded people, they won't feel that left out. But we'll see.

Killer fashion sense from an early age, as you can see.

How else are things different?

Everything's gentrified. A few minutes down the road from my house, there's a little corner shop that used to sell little hearts filled with chocolate cream when I was a kid. My grandma used to take me. The world was full of little indie mom-and-pop stores that people went to by default. It wasn't that uncommon to know the business owners on your street. Now, we all go to the same store of the same huge supermarket chain. Without fail. You no longer go to smaller stores because they're typically more expensive. They have to be, thanks to these giant corporations, but we don't care. We want what everyone has.

Another thing I notice as a difference (good one, this time) is more availability to travel. Low cost airlines and Airbnb have revolutionized the industry, and with it, the experience of children. When I was small, it was an adventure to go to a nearby mountain town or take the 3-hour train down to the Black Sea in the summer. Made more so by my childish perception (we see a lot more adventure around us as kids, don't we?). Now, you have kids whose parents have taken them all over the world, or at least on a few city breaks around Europe.

When I was a kid, going abroad was a big deal. Now, kids are like "Yeah, my parents took me to Thailand over Christmas". You didn't hear that when I was small.

Finally, one change I've often perceived is manners. Children today are such dicks. I'm not being funny. When I was a kid, it wasn't uncommon for a parent to administer the occasional slap. Parents yelled at their kids, you know, there was a clear hierarchy even in the most lenient and liberal of households.

Now, I'm frequently astounded by how rude children are to their parents and grandparents. I keep hearing 5-6 year olds calling their minders the most foul names, being so rude and demeaning... and the carer just taking it. At the risk of sounding old, you wouldn't have gotten away with that in my day.

Raised by a generation of parents trying to do the right thing and not deny their kids anything, kids today have no manners, no appreciation of receiving something. My friend was telling me about her 7-year-old niece, how she just looked through her birthday presents like they were crap. It's interesting to me because again, I feel when we were small, we had a lot more appreciation for things. Like, my mom @ladyrebecca was (and is) an angel, she worked hella hard so I could have the best. But I still remember appreciating the toys I received and cherishing them. Now, kids seem to go around with the notion of fuck it, mommy'll just buy me another one at the mall.

Perhaps I'm prey to this cognitive trick and am misremembering things. Still, can't help feeling we're spiraling out of control as a society. As I mentioned, kids are on my mind lately, and when I look at young children today, I despair. I've always wanted kids, yet seeing some of these tantrums and crass behaviors makes me want to not have kids anymore.

Who knows. I warned @ericvancewalton I'd have some similar answers. I'm having so much fun contributing to his #MemoirMonday initiative - I highly recommend checking it out if you haven't already.

Despite the title of this post, which comes from this song (itself a big part of my growing up), I do think things change. Whether the change is good or bad is a question beyond my capabilities.