A Real Life Story from My Mind.

Life has a way of surprising us. Sometimes, when we sit quietly and think about where we are, compared to where we thought we would be, the heart begins to ask questions that the mind cannot easily answer. Right now, that is exactly what I am going through. I just graduated. For many, that is supposed to be the happiest moment of their youth a stage where they celebrate freedom from exams, assignments, and the daily stress of academics. But for me, it is more complicated. My graduation feels less like a celebration and more like a question mark.

Before I even gained admission, I had already learned and was practising some skills. I had dreams, real dreams, of making life better and reaching a level of success before I turned twenty-four. I wanted to be ahead, to be different from others, to break the chain of waiting until after school before achieving something tangible. My plans were burning inside me like fire. Every night before sleep, I would picture myself running businesses, making money, becoming independent, and taking responsibility for myself and my family.

But then school came. I got admission. At first, it was a dream come true. Everyone was happy for me, my family, my friends. They believed I was on the right track, and to some extent, I believed so too. But deep inside, I was worried. I knew what I wanted for myself was bigger than lectures, bigger than waiting four or five years for a certificate. Yet, I told myself, “Education is important. Focus on your studies. Don’t let your skills distract you.” And so I pushed my skills aside.

I paid full attention to school. Every semester was books, tests, and exams. I convinced myself that this was the right path. My skills could wait. I thought there would be time after graduation to go back to them. But now, standing here as a graduate, the truth is hitting me differently. I feel in my mind that I have wasted my time. I feel as though I haven’t achieved anything. It’s as if the years slipped away from my fingers.

My twenties are running so fast. I remember when I was a teenager and thought twenty sounded so big. Now I’m here, and life is becoming more realistic than ever before. Bills are real. Responsibilities are real. Family expectations are real. And financial issues? They are showing up from every direction up, down, left, and right. Sometimes it feels like they are chasing me. Right now, in my mind, I feel disappointed. I feel as if school has delayed me and yet, I know the reality. I had my breakthrough reality before admission. I had something to build on, but I put it on hold because of school. In my mind, I keep asking: “Would I have been better off if I had taken responsibility earlier and fixed my life more properly? Did I miss my chance? Did I make a mistake in choosing school over my skills?” These thoughts don’t leave me. They play in my head over and over like a song on repeat.

It is not that I regret school entirely. Education is a gift, and not everyone has the opportunity to reach this level. I am grateful for it. But when I compare my reality to my earlier plans, I feel a deep ache in my chest. I wanted to be more. I wanted to be financially stable before this age. I wanted to look back and say, “Yes, I achieved this and that before twenty-four.” Instead, I look at myself and wonder if I have achieved anything at all.

Every time I scroll through my phone, I see people my age doing great things. Some are travelling, some are running businesses, some are even employing others. And here I am, a graduate, asking myself questions without answers. Sometimes I feel jealous, but more often, I feel a kind of confusion. I know I am not lazy. I know I have potential. But I also know time is not waiting for me.

This dilemma is heavy. It sits on my shoulders like a load I cannot throw away. The feelings are becoming more realistic each day. They do not disappear even when I try to distract myself. And in quiet moments, they come back stronger, making me doubt my journey, making me ask questions I cannot answer.

Are these thoughts true? Am I only being too hard on myself? Should I have chosen differently? How should it have been? Did I really make a mistake? Sometimes, I tell myself that school gave me discipline, maturity, and exposure. Other times, I tell myself that it robbed me of precious years I can never recover.

I know I am not alone. Many young people feel the same way. Some of my friends even confess that they wish they had not gone to school at all, that they wish they had invested in their skills or businesses earlier. It comforts me a little to know I am not the only one struggling with these thoughts, but at the same time, it doesn’t erase the reality of my situation. My life is mine, and my responsibilities are mine.

What hurts most is the sense of “delay.” I feel as if school has pushed me behind schedule. It is like running a race and then being told to stop while others keep moving forward. When you finally start running again, you realise how much ground you have lost. That is how I feel right now.

Still, I am trying to believe there is hope. Maybe the delay is not the end. Maybe the skills I learned before school can still be revived. Maybe my certificate can add value to my dreams. Maybe my twenties are not wasted but are only preparing me for something greater. These are the thoughts I hold onto when the disappointment becomes too strong.

At the end of the day, all these things are what is in my mind. A storm of questions, regrets, and little rays of hope. Life after graduation is not the fairytale I imagined. It is tough. It is confusing. It is emotional. But it is also real. And perhaps that is what life is all about facing reality, even when it doesn’t match our earlier plans, and finding a way to keep going.

For now, I live with this mixture of disappointment and hope. I am a graduate. I have skills. I have dreams. I have questions. And I have time though it feels like it is running too fast. This is the story of my mind, raw and unfiltered, the truth of my journey so far.

All photos used are mine.

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