Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine - Gail Honeyman
A few month ago I read "Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine" and I just want to say that I really enjoyed the character development in this book. It's well written and you can actually see the whole progress and cheer from the sidelines whenever there is a realisation and change happening.
Author really captured what it’s like to live after experiencing complex trauma. Eleanor disassociates so often, and it seems to be her primary coping mechanism, infact this daydreaming about this dude is just her disassociating off into her fantasy world. The author clearly either did alot of research about what life after complex trauma, or she’s experienced it so well. I think what Eleanor is feeling has been an experience many with complex trauma have experienced.
ALso there’s so much inner turmoil, and it seems her mother has hurt her in some really bad ways over the years, but she’s still so desperate to please her. Eleanor thinks she doesn’t have a choice, but she doesn’t realize she has to power to walk away from her mother even now. She’s trying to cope so hard, but she has no support system in place, and my heart aches for her. We can even see Eleanor has developed a dependence on alcohol, which it’s important to note that she tends to mostly drink on the weekends when she’s alone and can’t distract herself. We also see that she’s quite critical of the way other people present themselves, and I believe it stems from how she was critiqued as a child by her mother.
Even though I thought her weird in the beginning I could still relate to her and I feel for her whenever something happens. Especially whenever someone showed her some kindness and warmth. She deserves a lot of those but it's difficult when you are isolated from people. And that is not even a conscious choice she made. People thought her weird, so they don't try to befriend her (except Raymond) and she was still dealing with her trauma without professional help and doesn't even realise she is traumatised and that it affects her life the way it does. There are so many factors that come into play why someone has problems connecting with other people and trauma isn't always the reason.
I think a lot of mental health struggles portrayed in popular culture often seem theatricized and unrealistic, so I think it’s refreshing to see something a bit more real, but I think even this book fell a bit short there. Sure not everyone is exactly the same, but mental illnesses have a name because there’s a common thread of symptoms and experiences between patients. If you’ve never experienced that illness, you’ll have no concept for what that looks like besides textbook definitions. I think it can be really helpful to get inside the person’s head and really understand what they’re going through. I definitely think this author had some help maybe from trauma survivors, therapists, or maybe she did a lot of independent research. She just describes disassociation very well, and we see a wide variety of types of disassociation throughout the book. The thing is that’s a VERY common symptom of trauma, and it’s often one of the best coping mechanisms survivors have. It wouldn’t surprise me if she studied up to know this.
I just think she didn’t get everything right, but that’s okay as well. She’s not a therapist. She’s an author.
I think there are a lot of things that'll stay with me from this book:
Don't be so quick to judge. I think the way it was written, the off-putting vibes I got I mean, was exactly what the author might have intended. It made me the person so quick to judge. I judged her as weird and didn't like her because she was so judgemental. I did exactly what I criticised her about. I have definitely learned from this and will try not to judge people as weird like that. Because if I was one of her co-workers and if she was actually successful in her attempt to take her life, I'd feel devastated because I didn't try to be her friend. I didn't try to find out why she was so weird.
Be kind to others. Honestly, that is what I try to do every day but more for myself than others. Now, I think a little kindness, a little warmth towards some people can mean a lot to them and perhaps even help them with their troubles.