In Search Of

2026 is a milestone year for me—the big 5-5, I begin collecting my company pension, and will soon be celebrating a full decade of blogging here on this blockchain. Quite honestly, the past few years haven’t been easy ones and I haven’t shared much about that here.

Most of the challenges are post-Pandemic related ones that we’ve all had to deal with in some capacity. Also, capturing readers’ attention isn’t nearly as easy of a task as it used to be, and the attainment of other long-sought goals I thought would bring lasting satisfaction— well, haven’t really. Covid really did fracture human society and the world, as we knew and loved it, in ways we’re all still discovering.

A post I read by @riverflows yesterday really set me down the path of introspection about the things that have brought me immense joy in life and the things that might have done differently. The post actually switched on the light bulb inside my head as I was reminded of the line I read by Paramahansa Yogananda thirty plus years ago, True and lasting happiness can only really be found inside ourselves. This is something I discovered decades ago but tend to suffer from temporary amnesia about from time-to-time. It seems like life is a constant cycle of straying from and then being gently ushered back on the right path again.

What I’m experiencing isn’t depression or an existential crisis. I know what those things feel like and at this point in life I know exactly who I am and what I’m not. This is more like the vague feeling of not being able to see or decipher exactly what my next steps are, feeling like some drifting, rudderless ship. New projects begin in excitement but fizzle in the end as I lose interest and move on to something else. On a certain level I think to myself What's the point?.

Increasingly, writing feels a whole lot like shouting into the desolate wilderness where fewer and fewer people are there to hear the echoes and answer back. Many people believe in the Dead Internet theory and I think they might be onto something. Recently, I read some sobering statistics—up to 40% of social media accounts are bots. At the same time social media algorithms have almost completely eliminated organic post outreach for those marketing their work. These two things have brought an end to the Golden Age of indie publishing (early 2000’s through 2019).

The dead Internet theory[a] is a conspiracy theory that asserts that, since around 2016, the Internet has consisted primarily of bot activity and automated content manipulated by algorithmic curation. This alleged coordinated effort aims to control the population and reduce genuine human interaction.[1][2] Supporters of the theory claim that social bots were deliberately created to manipulate algorithms and enhance search results to influence consumers.[3][4] Some proponents also accuse government agencies of using bots to shape public perception and opinions.*

I’m a believer in the adage, “Don’t cry because it's over, smile because it happened”. In truth, it's not over it's just changing. I can’t help but laugh at the reality of coming full circle.

The point I'm at now feels exactly like the beginning of my career as an indie author did in the pre-internet days of the early 1990s. Peeling back the layers of false assumptions to expose the raw honest truth. Writing merely for myself with no expectations, which is actually a good thing even though it doesn't always feel like it.

The list of things I’m grateful for is miles long. I’m blessed beyond measure to have had more than thirty reasonably good years in such a tremendously difficult business where millions of creators are clawing for the attention of so few readers. Just like too much comfort can make us weak overtime, too many wins can leave us feeling entitled and give us a false sense of ourselves. Completely letting go often is how we find our way again.

Lately, I’ve been gently reminded by our wonderfully synchronistic universe about how going in search of fulfillment—or anything, really— outside of ourselves means setting ourselves up for failure as well as major disappointment.

So begins the deep dive inward—meditation, reading, and making myself useful and present for others and for the lessons which will inevitably appear along the way. When we sincerely go in search of the teachers tend to appear in the least likely of places. One source of those lessons has been from an unlikely source, a YouTube channel called Model Strangers. Even though anything resembling happiness or fulfillment can’t be found anywhere but inside of ourselves, external lessons and reminders can prove to be very helpful in our process of re-remembering what we’ve known all along.

These inspirational videos consist of brief interviews with strangers where they’re asked about their lives—lessons, regrets, and personal triumphs. Watching these videos have, strangely, brought me a lot of comfort, joy, and taught me some lessons along the way. So many of the strangers in these videos have spoken to my soul and left me in a better place after watching them.

I think this predicament of being in search of will be a place a majority of us will find ourselves in the not-so-distant future. As technology drastically and quickly reshapes human existence and begins systematically eliminating millions of jobs. Our reality, as we know it, is already in the process of being dismantled and, in a few short years, will be rebuilt into something else altogether.

We will reach a point soon where what we do for a living will no longer factor into the equation of what gives our lives meaning or defines us. The common question “What do you do for work?” won’t be one asked in conversations. Perhaps it'll be replaced by "What gives your life meaning?" I think that's the better question anyway. It will be best to be proactive and figure this stuff out now and make peace with it before we’re forced to.

As a life-long tech geek, I’m paying much more attention to this tsunami of technological change that's building on the horizon than most. Don't ingnore the warnings or think the news is exaggerated. Sooner or later we will all have to do the deep dive and reframe how we think about what gives our lives purpose, meaning, and personal happiness. This inward journey will be the hardest aspect of it all but we'll be better off in the end. Many of us creatives who've managed to scratch out a living in the trenches will just have much more practice and be more skilled at it.

This is not an end but a new beginning for me and for you. We will find ourselves stripped of false assumptions an inconsequential beliefs and be reminded of what's truly important—enjoying our family and friends, being truly awake, paying attention to what's unfolding around us, and building a life that will result in the fewest regrets possible. In the meantime, I'll continue banging away at these keys whether someone reads my words or not.

All for now. Thanks so much for reading.

(*Quote sourced from Wikipedia)