The way we relate to people every day eventually seeps into the important relationships we have with our friends, family, co-workers, and even employers. One of the most important aspects of these relationships, I would argue, is knowing when to say no and when to say yes.

You don't want to say no to every request that comes your way, lest you lose the relationship. At the same time, you don't want to say yes to every request that comes your way, lest you become a pushover and an easy target for narcissists.

This is more evident in the workplace, where you can easily become a target for people who don't care about your well-being and dump their work on you. However, it can also be the case in friendships or in relation to your significant other. In whatever relationship it may be, you want to be able to say no to some requests that have no real benefit.

The biggest fear is always losing the relationship, and sometimes that fear does not accurately reflect the situation at hand. Other times, it might be the case that any resistance can be the beginning of the end of the relationship and the resulting consequences.

So, you want to be able to give your friends, family, co-workers, and employer what they want while also getting what you want. Now, this is not to say that you want to be manipulative, which would imply that you are getting more from them than you give. It means that you are willing to give more, but you also have needs that should be met.

In this post, I will go through some important methods that one should keep in mind while navigating this process.

A psychologist would define negotiation as the process of interpersonal communication and decision-making aimed at resolving conflicts or reaching agreements between two or more parties.

Knowing What You Want/Need

If I told you that one of the very first steps of negotiating is knowing what you want, would you believe it? How can you ask for what you want if you don't know what you want?

In a relationship, here is a funny analogy. In a relationship between a man and a woman, the man is basically asking the woman to house his 3 to 4 kg baby in her pelvis/abdomen for 9 months and help him raise it until it's self-sufficient, and the woman is asking the man to share his property with her and her child for the rest of his life. That's a big ask for anybody, I would assume, and it's something you should approach with some humility unless there is something wrong with you.

But that is marriage and the relationship therein, and it is something modern society is really blinding both sexes to. Right now, there is this question being thrown around by feminists and masculinists alike: What do we still need each other for?

In a world where men no longer need to provide for a woman and women no longer need to be homely, it's easy to see how we might not need each other anymore, but the answer is still so simple. Men and women still need each other for children.

This is not to take away the uniqueness of the relationship you have with your significant other and your relative need for a child, but this reality is more evident now than ever: the only thing a person cannot fulfill outside of a heterosexual relationship is a child with their genetics.

If you are a young man, however, this is the biggest negotiation you will have with your wife.

At work, you might want a raise or a new office or usually something better than what you already have, otherwise what's the use in asking for it?

Sometimes you might know what you want, but you fear asking for it because of what could arise from asking for it. The biggest consequence of asking for it could be conflict, and there are very few people who can handle conflict and the risk it entails.

The Skill Required

You know how people say that you need to be emotionally intelligent in order to thrive in the workplace? Well, the truth is that that is the opposite of the truth. There are a lot of features of emotional intelligence that ultimately lead to risk aversion.

For instance, emotionally intelligent people take into consideration how others feel before they make a decision and ensure that the person doesn't feel bad. They will do their part to maintain that relationship. Meanwhile, in order to get what you want, you have to risk what you have.

There is so much overlap between an emotionally intelligent person and an agreeable person that they are almost the same people. Those who are more capable of risking what they want or need are more likely to be disagreeable.

Now, this is not to say that if you do not have the temperament for it, it's over for you. It just means that there are people who are better suited for such a conflict environment than you. By learning from them and following the steps needed, you would be able to get what you want in a way that keeps everybody happy.

The first step is to identify what you want. The next step is to ask yourself if there's someone who already has what you want and how they got it. Then you ask yourself what you have to do in order to be the sort of person who already has what you want. The last step is to become the person who has what you want.

The Last Step

The person who already has what you want is, in most instances, not in some instances. If you want to be someone better than the person you are, then you have to study that person and do what it takes.

Let's say the case is that you want more money. I am sure there are people in your company who make more money than you already do. What would it take to be like them?

The reason I said "most instances" is that there is no shortage of examples of nepotism flying around here or there, but those are not the examples of people climbing up the ranks you want to look at.

Your examples are those who have a degree you lack, or a skill, or are putting in more time. Find out which it is and see how you can apply that in your situation.

Sometimes, negotiating demands that you have more options. If you have acquired the necessary skills or you are investing time, then you might want to organize your CV and be prepared to seek another job in case this job doesn't provide you with what you want.

In other situations, like in marriage, the options you have are bounded by the union or the promise. Therefore, you and your significant other have to come up with a solution that works for both of you.

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Do you want to learn how to negotiate? What do you want? What can you give?

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You can send me a message on WhatsApp at +2348134530293, and we can have a conversation, or you can speak with a licensed therapist.

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Conclusion

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In conclusion, mastering the art of negotiation is a valuable skill that can positively impact our personal and professional lives. It involves understanding our own wants and needs, developing effective communication skills, and fostering a collaborative mindset.

Firstly, successful negotiation starts with self-awareness. By clearly identifying our objectives and priorities, we can articulate our needs and desires more effectively. This self-reflection allows us to enter negotiations with a clear understanding of what we hope to achieve, enabling us to advocate for ourselves confidently.

Secondly, honing our negotiation skills is crucial for achieving favorable outcomes. Effective communication, active listening, and problem-solving abilities are essential components. By continuously improving these skills, we can navigate discussions more tactfully and find mutually beneficial solutions that satisfy the interests of all parties involved.

Lastly, negotiation is a collaborative process that values the perspectives and needs of all parties. It is about finding common ground and fostering win-win situations. By approaching negotiations with empathy, respect, and a willingness to understand others' viewpoints, we can build stronger relationships and cultivate an environment of mutual trust and cooperation.

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How do you prioritize your wants and needs in your personal and professional relationships? What specific negotiation skills do you believe are crucial for achieving successful outcomes?

Can you share an example of a challenging negotiation situation you have faced and how you navigated it? How do you balance advocating for your own interests while also considering the perspectives and needs of others in a negotiation?

What strategies or techniques have you found effective in fostering collaboration and finding mutually beneficial solutions?

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References

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• The Negotiation Methods in the Psychology and the
  Analytical Psychotherapy

• The Relationship Between Trait Emotional Intelligence and Personality. Is Trait EI Really Anchored Within the Big Five, Big Two and Big One Frameworks?