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One of the scariest things I have seen on the internet was the psychiatrist whose YouTube Handle is HealthyGamerGG committed to passing the message that men are more likely to take their own lives despite no evidence of mental health problems.

This contradicts what I studied in my psychiatry text where they said that up to 90% of those who take their lives are dealing with one psychological problem or the other. It also makes more sense that if someone could be dedicated to ending their own life then there has to be something wrong with them.

There are two reasons why we can not be sure of this:

1. Men make up the majority of the suicide cases and they do not report features of depression to any healthcare facility.
2. Some people come to the logical conclusion that self-deletion is the only thing for them to do based on their circumsatances.

The problem with this hypothesis is that it is difficult to know how many men have come to this conclusion and how many are battling with depression in their daily lives.

In the study titled: Problem Gaming and Suicidality, light was given to the fact that men suffer due to the current diagnostic criteria not carrying symptoms such as aggression, increased alcohol use and risky behaviour that are more common in men.

What could be the reasons for this? Why are there groups of men who have come to the conclusion that life is simply not worth living any more?

I am not going to pretend to know the answer, in fact, this post is not an answer to the question, it's just a regurgitation of what Dr. Alok Kanojia says mixed with a few studies here and there from the internet. For all those bothered about my voice in all this, not to worry, I'm figuring it out and soon I will be able to articulate it.

The World is Changing

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Why is it that my father, who used to earn way less than I did as a man was able to buy a car, have a home and start a family and I can't pay rent and book important exams without feeling like I might not eat that month?

The economic systems of the world have collectively failed all of us. I wish these complaints were just in Nigeria but watching a doctor in the US complain about the same things we are vexed about here was really heartbreaking.

It is now common for one income to fail at providing for a family. People are pushing back life because it is simply impossible to live the way you want to on the amount you currently make.

The problem with this observation is that while the different economies of the world have collectively changed, the expectations for men have remained the same .

Many men feel powerless and why wouldn't they? It is a steep mountain to climb when you have just yourself and your foe is society.

But conditions continue to worsen and the expectations remain the same.

I consider myself lucky in this regard, I have friends and family that have been and continue to be patient with me. Imagine what weight it would be if they weren't.

Notice also how I phrase my fortune as patience rather than non-expectance. I would be in denial if I looked at it any other way.

This is why men don't feel like they are enough or that they will ever be enough. If you constantly felt the pressure to provide for others but struggled to take care of yourself wouldn't that be a cause of constant worry/anxiety and wouldn't that make you sad/depressed?

Lack of Validation

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Men do not feel they have the room to speak about their problems. Sometimes, these feeling of being alone are worsened by the lack of empathy that can be shown to men who bring up their issues.

I've learned to keep my problems to myself not because I don't feel validated but because sometimes I do a lot of emotional dumping. I have caused trouble for myself when I've done this in the past but when I poured my heart out to some of my significant others, I know I've never felt understood.

I wasn't smart at the time, duh, most women don't understand the problems men have to face on a deep level.

This is why the Redpill content is so attractive to men. They say "yeah that's true", we've all been there, I know what you are talking about and I can help you with that.

The only problem with the Redpill I've heard is that the solutions they provide can be destructive.

But that aside, just knowing that someone else knows what you are going through can be really helpful.

We currently are in a society that tells men they have inherent privileges even while they sink deeper. Even though there are some advantages of being a man, a sinking ship is worse off than a lifeboat in many instances.

Suffering is like a gas, it fills whatever container it finds itself in.

I have learned not to shun the complaints of any patient especially if they do not have the motive to pretend. The last condition is up to me at times and I've only seen 1 case that fits that category all my life.

So long as this other person cries out in pain, just because you don't see it doesn't mean you get to ignore it.

Normative Male Alexithymia

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Men don't know what they feel and it is normal, that's what the above means.

Alexithymia means the inability to feel emotions. While this is an abnormality, it would be sort of normal if it were presented in a man than if you saw it in a woman.

So you hear men say things like "I've got ice in my veins" referring to the fact that they do not feel a thing.

But not feeling emotional in a lot of ways can be like not feeling physically. Just because you can't feel the pain doesn't mean the damage has not been done and the complications that take place afterwards are still yours to bear.

There is also evidence that men are more likely to process every emotion as anger..." I'm angry I'm ashamed"...

I like to believe that I've been a good steward of my emotions but those around me would be better judges of that. I know I'm learning to feel my emotions and know exactly what they are before they take control over the narrative.

What's The Way Out

Reading this might seem like a bad bedtime story but if we want a safe society for everyone we have to start walking back some of these changes the hard part is that it requires some change from what we are used to but we all pass through the desert before we get to the promised land.

Hug a man today, you never know who is dying for a physical touch. Listen to a man, you might be shocked by the things he might tell you.

Get out there do your thing and don't let anybody stop you even if the person trying to stop you is you!

References

• BBC- Why More Men Kill themselves than women
• NCBI- Problem gaming and suicidality: A systematic literature review
• KevinMD- How masculinity expectations impact men's mental health
  Health Havard- Validation defusing intense emotions
• Dictionary- Normative Male alexithymia